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ohtobeleah · 1 year ago

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Bruises // Jake Seresin

Chapter One: [Happily Ever Afters Don’t Exist]

Summary: A certain naval aviator shows up on your front doorstep right on cue. Because when the nightmares are too hard to handle on their own? You and Jake find solace in one another’s presence.

Word Count: 2.5k

Series Warnings: Heavy themes of violence, sexual assault, torture. 18+ content. Minors DNI. Mature themes. Being held in captivity. Hostage style situation. Main character death! Whump, Angst. Conversations that discuss antisocial & antisemitism views.

Author Note: THIS SERIES IS CONFRONTING, FICTIONAL, AND DEPICTS IMAGES OF TORTURE. DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT IF YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS SERIES WILL BE DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR MENTAL STABILITY. CURATE YOUR OWN TIMELINE.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

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Sunday- August 13th 2023. Present Day

We all remember the bedtime stories of our childhoods. The shoe that fits Cinderella, the frog that turns into a prince, Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss. Once upon a time and then they lived happily ever after.

Fairy tales—the stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairy tales don’t come true. It’s the other stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights, and end in the unspeakable. It’s the nightmares that always seem to become reality.

You shot up from your spot in your bed trying to regulate your breathing from yet another nightmare, the nightmares you already lived through that your mind, body and soul couldn’t let go of, the overwhelming fear had triggered yet another panic induced asthma attack. Your inhaler sat close by on your bedside table.

You came to quickly realise after all that you’d been through that the person that invented the phrase ‘Happily Ever After’ Should have his ass kicked and kicked hard. Because ‘Happily Ever After’ Didn’t exist.

Sleep didn't come easy anymore, especially at night. Since you’d been on mandated medical leave you did your best to sleep during the day and stay awake all night, just to keep the voices in your head silent. It did little to curve the nightmares though, the sounds of tortuous screams that would send you into a dizzying fit of terrors until you realised you were safe. That you were home and that you were in your own bed, not on some dirty cell floor a million miles away with no hope of ever seeing your loved ones again.

A knock at your front door in the middle of the night would usually have your heart racing. People don't knock on peoples doors in the middle of the night, and if they do? Your mother always taught you not to answer unless you were expecting company.

As you padded over to your front door with a warm cup of peppermint tea in your hand, you had to wonder what one it was this time that brought the wounded soul to your doorstep. You opened your front door to reveal the very person you had actually been expecting for all the wrong reasons. He stood with his shoulders slumped in his grey sweats and an old longhorns T-shirt that looked worse than he did. Sad emerald green eyes met yours as he ran a nervous hand through his sandy locks, hell, this never got any easier.

Jake Seresin showing up on your doorstep at one in the morning had become a thing. On the nights he wasn't dragging his tail up your three porch steps, you were banging against his courtyard gate. Both as desperate for company as each other. Yet neither of you would admit you were struggling. But the unspoken was as loud as silence could ever be.

You’d both witnessed and experienced the unthinkable, unspeakable acts of violence that should have killed you both. But yet here you were, making him peppermint tea at one in the morning, trying to hide the fact whenever you looked at him all you saw was the way his body bled and bruised.

“What one was it this time?” You asked as you handed Jake the tea you'd made for him, having expected him any minute now. He still had bruises that littered his cheeks and eye socket. Doctors had reassured you that his broken jaw would heal in time, for someone with the gift of the gap not talking though was a difficult task. But being in an induced coma for the first week since being admitted helped the swelling a lot. He looked more like himself now.

Lieutenant Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin. The very embodiment of a human ken doll. He looked like the Jake you knew before the mission that nearly killed you both. Everyday that passed he looked less and less like the version of himself that would have said or done anything to keep you alive. That had done everything he could have.

“The one where they made me hurt you.” Jake mumbled as he stepped past the threshold of your humble abode and accepted the cup of warm peppermint tea you had made for him. He appreciated the warm sensation, it grounded him. “I get that one alot, whenever I close my eyes–” Jake paused as he drank in the sight of you. You looked healthier now. Brighter. Your eyes weren't so full of fear and your lip wasn't as split anymore. “All I see is you and how I couldn’t save you.”

You and Jake had shared all your darkest nightmares with one another, he was the only person who understood what you were going through, what you sounded like while your skin was cut and your bones were broken. He was the only one who understood when you told him your body didn’t feel like yours anymore. And you were the only one who understood what it was like to want to die just to feel peace. To escape hell. You’d seen the limits each other could tolerate, and you'd seen each other's breaking points. Neither of you could escape the burning guilt you held for each other. It was a bond that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

With all the love you held for each other you’d both agreed now just wasn’t the right time. A relationship seemed like the worst thing to jump head first into after experiencing hell on earth. But with that mutual understanding came a deep hesitation to believe any of it was ever real to begin with.

“Well, you did.” You reminded Jake as his eyes wandered down to where your hand and wrist still remained in a cast. He could still remember the way you screamed out in utter agony when the hammer smashed your bones, how you looked when infection took over. “I’m here because of you.” He didn’t reply straight away as he took a sip of the warm peppermint tea you’d made for him. He watched silently as you closed your front door—making sure to lock it and switch off the patio light. It was the middle of the night after all.

Jake Seresin was a wreck, you knew that much. The people who knew him better than most would often tell you he was a shell of his former cocky, egomaniacal self. They all missed that version of Jake—the one who could give anyone a headache just by his charm alone, but was present and aware.

But the Jake you knew was just as scared and bruised as you. Even if he wouldn’t admit it, the mutual midnight visits were enough of an explanation, and you didn’t push. He didn’t push either. The two of you just existed, trying to navigate through the trauma of the situation the two of you found yourselves in. Marked confidential and sealed indefinitely. Plagued with the sounds of each other’s tortuous screams.

“You were there because of me too.” Jake finally replied, his voice was soft and barely audible. “You were my responsibility.” He bowed his head in shame, regret had followed him everywhere since the two of you had gone down. “I failed you.”

It was your turn to listen and take in the heaviness of Jake's admission. An admission you’d heard a hundred times before and would surely hear a thousand times more. It was Jake's truth, his version of reality.

“You didn’t fail me, Seresin.” You sighed softly as you walked your way around to stand before him. Jake looked at you with so much guilt, so much anguish in his eyes. Those deep green emerald eyes. “Because we’re home, we’re safe, you’re standing here drinking my peppermint tea and I’m about to reach up and kiss you—“ You placed your hand on the back of Jake's neck, slowly, tentatively. “Because you didn’t fail me, you saved me.” Jake knew that was true to some extent, you were holding on for dear life when rescue came. Without them, without Jake begging you to stay, you probably wouldn’t have.

“Please—“ Jake whispered as tears fell from his lash line. “Just one.” You did. It wasn’t hard touching Jake, or loving him or kissing him or doing anything that made you feel connected. If it were anyone else you’d struggle. But not with Hangman.

It was the softest of kisses, the most fleeting of things, but you did what you said you were going to do and reached up to kiss Jake's lips.

Jake raised his eyebrows in reaction to your softness but soon closed his eyes knowing he was safe and pulled you closer by the small of your waist with just one hand. He still held the peppermint tea in the other. Savouring every single moment, every fleeting touch you were willing to give him.

“You didn’t fail me Jake, I’m standing right here, because you kept me going—you kept me alive.” You knew exactly what Jake needed to hear as he let his forehead rest against yours. You cupped his cheeks to catch the tears that had begun to fall down his slightly bruised cheeks. You caught Jake's tears with the pads of your thumbs, just like you’d done when he was covered in his own blood.

“You gave me hope and we’re okay Jake, we’re okay.” All Jake did was nod with closed eyes. He needed your gentle touch to ground him, keep him from falling into the dark depths of the hole he was standing on the edge of.

“We’re okay.” The same hole that you had teetered on the edge of. “We’re okay.” Jake repeated a few times as he kept his eyes closed. He was afraid that when he opened his eyes you’d be gone. “We’re okay.” He whispered just one more time before he opened his eyes, you were still there, his weapon’s system office, his responsibility, his one and only guiding light. “Thanks.”

“Not a problem.” You pressed your lips together in a fine line before you stepped away. Heading towards the kitchen where you’d left your own cup of tea. “I’m glad you’re here actually.” You sheepishly admitted. “I was going to try and get some rest but couldn’t fall asleep alone.” Jake knew what you were asking of him—he’d asked you a fair few times himself. But again, it was all coded.

“I’m pretty tired, could use an hour or two.” He replied with half a smile that only graced half his face. Jake followed you over to the hallway he knew led down to your bedroom. Completely lit so that not an ounce of darkness could shroud your recovery process. “I’ll stay.”

“Thanks.” You looked up at Jake as he looked at you, both as broken as each other. He still saw the uncertainty in your eyes, the fear that your time had left you with. Jake could argue you had it worse than he did, but you’d say it wasn’t a competition. “I think I sleep easier with you here than when you’re not.”

“If I wasn’t so haunted by your screams Hollywood, I’d be flattered.” Jake teased as he took a sip of his tea. The tea you’d made just for him in the mug you knew he liked. It was easy to joke about small details, it’s how you and Jake got by, but the sad reality was it was all true. There was a time where Jake Seresin would have taken that compliment and turned it into something more sexually explicit. But now? Even when the two of you did embark on showing one another what it was like to touch the stars and all Jake saw was you in that cell screaming for those men to stop. In his nightmares as he’d lay beside you he felt like one of them.

Jake caught himself falling into a k-hole of thoughts as he took another sip of his tea to bring him back down to earth. “But yeah, I sleep better with you by my side too.”

It was weird going from being so sure of every word Jake spoke in the time you were held together, to all these ‘Thinks’ and ‘Pretty Sures.’ But you knew the ‘I love yous’ shared and the admiration admitted were all just tactics to keep each other alive. At least on Jake’s behalf you assumed. For you? Every word of it was real. Every plea for Jake to keep his eyes open was real. Every cry of mercy for them to stop beating him was real. Every ‘take me’ every ‘I love you’ every ‘don’t you dare die on me, not now.’ Was real. Every ‘when we make it home, I’ll never let you go.’ Was real.

“Good.” You yawned, exhausted from all the sleepless nights and half ass attempts during the day. “Because I’m exhausted.”

“Feels like we’re on a train that’s going like two hundred miles an hour without any breaks.” Jake began walking with you towards your bedroom. A bedroom he’d become so familiar in he knew where you kept your socks and what corner you favoured for dirty laundry. “And as much as you wanna stop that train we can’t get off, for some fucking reason we just can’t get off.” He continued as you pushed your door open, still lit from almost every light you owned. “Wouldn’t it though—wouldn’t it just be so nice to step off onto the platform for a minute?” Jake asked as you took his tea and placed it up on the dresser beside yours. Coaxing him forward and towards your bed by his hand.

“It would be nice.” You tried not to cry.” “It would be so nice.” You knew what Jake meant, what the platform was a metaphor for. You couldn’t say you hadn’t thought about it—the sweet release death would bring. “But I’m not quitting on you now Hangman.” You held back tears as you kissed Jake again, this time with more passion and fire in your intention and this time he kissed you back.

The back of your knees hit the side of your bed and you were down, with Jake falling with you. It was the closest to love the pair of you would get. Relearning what gentle romance was. Relearning to understand that not every touch was rough.

“So you don’t get to quit on me.” You reminded him sternly. It was just the trauma talking. You’d give anything to go back to the way things were before, when the two of you hardly spoke. When the pair of you bickered and argued and didn’t engage in pity sex out of an existential obligation to one another just to feel something besides hopelessness and pain. “Because we made it out, we got out and we survived—“ You cried into his mouth as tears of his own dripped off his cheeks down onto yours. “And we’ll survive whatever else is left to come, okay, you and me?”

Jake didn’t give you an answer, but he nodded silently before he took your lips hostage again. His hands were gentle against you—afraid that he’d hurt healing wounds. But he could never. He could never hurt you as much as they did.

“Just you and me Hollywood."

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#bruises // jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin #jake seresin x female!reader #jake seresin angst #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman x reader #top gun hangman

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nickfowlerrr · 4 months ago

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baby, all night.

GIF by demivampirew

pairing: august walker x curvy!reader

words: 1.3k

warnings: 18+ only. cockwarming. teasing. literally just smut lol.

notes: first time posting for august...we'll see how this is received lol. he's got three fics in my docs atm but none are finished quite yet. i couldn't resist writing something for him for these little smutty xmas drabbles though.

inspired by this txt post, this is one of seven characters i’m writing this prompt of sorts for. thank you in advance for reading and as always, reblogs and comments and welcome and so appreciated.

Your eyelids flutter shut, eyes threatening to roll back as his large hands move you to sink down once more onto his throbbing length. When you’re fully seated on his lap, his cock snug inside of you, you lean your back against him, your head resting on his shoulder as you fight the urge to move.

You really have no clue how he manages to last as long as he does, how he can keep this torturous game up for what feels like hours and hours on end. You don’t have the restraint, the self control that Walker does - he knows that well enough.

It’s why he loves this so much; seeing the pathetic look in your eyes the moment you can’t take any more, when you shatter around him, finally giving in to him entirely.

He’ll take care of you during the comedown but as soon as he knows you’re good to go, that’s when his real fun begins. All of this preamble is nothing more than foreplay for him. You both know the night hasn’t even really started.

You don’t know why tonight of all nights you agreed to this game again, but you did - and now you’re trying your best to win. There’s a first time for everything, maybe you’ll pull off a Christmas Eve miracle.

There’s a deep rumble that sounds from the man behind you, and a glimmer of hope lights in you that just maybe he’s closer to his end than he wants you to believe. You both know you’re hanging on by a thread.

But you can hold out a little longer.

You think.

Just as you begin to level out your breathing, your focus returning to the black and white Christmas movie still playing on the screen, the hands on your hips hold you tighter as August scoots back on the couch, jostling you atop him as he gets more comfortable. The moan that leaves you as his cock moves along your walls, rubbing against that perfect spot just right, is almost embarrassing. But you can’t bring yourself to care. Not when it feels that good.

August spreads his thick legs, causing yours to do the same as they are resting on the outside of his. His manspreading leaves you completely open and exposed and as he relaxes into the couch, you slump further into him, a soft whimper passing your lips as he brings one hand to rest on the top of your thigh, squeezing your plushness there before he spreads his hand, his long fingers against your inner thigh, his thumb dangerously close to your clit. He “innocently” rubs his thumb up and down your skin - not touching your pussy, but just along it, and with the pressure he’s using, and how sensitive you already are, you feel tingles as he stokes your fire. You’re breathless as your eyes squeeze shut,

“You’re cheating,” you nearly whine. He laughs, turning his head to kiss your temple, not stopping his movements.

“I’m not breaking any rules. I’m not touching anywhere I’m not allowed to,” he defends himself.

“Close enough,” you argue. He’s less than an inch away from actually rubbing your pussy and you’re less than two seconds away from moving his hand closer so he can play with your aching clit and finally give you what you really want.

You groan feebly as you begin to writhe atop him, arching your back as your walls clench around his cock. August hisses and grips your thigh tight, his other hand coming up to grip your jaw as he forces you to be still against him. His lips are against your ear as he breathes a little heavier.

“No. Moving,” he reminds you gruffly. “And open those pretty eyes for me, baby. You’re gonna miss the climax.” You can feel his smirk against your cheek and you huff at his taunting. He thinks he’s so fucking funny.

You settle once more into his hold and he kisses your cheek, his thumb rubbing the soft skin of your face before he slides his hand down, slyly over your chest where he squeezes you.

“August!” you yell in irritation as your walls squeeze around him in turn. “You’re such a fucking cheat,” you complain, head pressing back once again.

“That was an accident,” he says nonchalantly.

“God, and you’re a liar. Remind me again why I put up with you?”

He laughs darkly and speaks confidently,

“No one else could ever make you feel this good. You know your pussy was made for my cock," he gloats, "just look how well she takes it.” August nuzzles your cheek as he continues taunting you. "There's about thirty minutes left of the movie. I know I can last, what about you?" He leans closer as his lips brush your ear, "I can see the tremble in your legs, pretty girl. Why don't you just give in, huh?"

"Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you. I'm not losing this time. I've had tonight planned all week," you remind him breathily. "That blindfold has your name written all over it. I'm in charge tonight, you agreed. You can't just get home and change the rules on me," you pout, your hand gripping his thick thigh as you try to calm yourself down, once again teetering embarrassingly on the edge of ecstasy.

"I didn't change the rules, angel. I proposed a game, which you agreed to. Can't back out now that you're losing."

"'M not," you argue. "I just- argh fuck!" you throw your head back again, moaning as the pressure builds, August shaking his leg, and thus you, up and down. "Feels so good," you moan through clenched teeth, fingernails digging into his thighs.

"Open your eyes," he demands huskily, and you obey without thought, your eyes looking up into his as he holds you tight around your waist, keeping you against him as your legs really begin to shake. He smiles beautifully when he sees it - that look in your eye that says you're done for. "There it is, sweetheart," he speaks quietly, voice low and gravelly, "that's it, let it happen. Let go for me."

You fall apart all together at his words, feeling like putty as he lets his fingers graze over your cunt, rubbing your clit with just the right amount of pressure as he kisses your face, your head back on his shoulder as you let your orgasm overwhelm you. It's wave after wave of pleasure until you finally ease in his hold, coming down from the drawn out high.

As your breathing starts to regulate, you pout once more as the realization of your loss hits you.

August chuckles as he holds you, still. "You put up a good fight, baby, I have to admit... Look," he says, tilting and turning your face to face him, "I know you put a lot into tonight, and it's Christmas Eve, so I'll be nice." He leans in and you let him kiss you once before you give in and return it, deepening the kiss before pulling away.

"Yeah?" you ask, voice hopeful.

He nods and you bite your lip in excitement, nearly preening before leaning over to grab the silk black blindfold from where you had placed it on the table - both of you effected by the movement, August's dick still hard and throbbing inside you. He groans under his breath; his hands massage your hips as you lean back and settle against him again for a second.

"I'm in charge?" you ask for clarity's sake, wanting his confirmation.

"Yes, sweetheart, you're in charge."

"Okay," you grin, "then let's start with this," you say as you dangle the blindfold in front of his face. August raises a brow at you and you laugh mischievously, "I have a game in mind, too."

#august walker x curvy!reader #august walker smut #august walker x reader #august walker fanfiction #august walker x you #august walker fic #henry cavill characters

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lucky-clover-gazette · 5 months ago

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kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 3

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

The Regent’s forces were rivers of darker red, driving inroads into their lines, mingling their armies together, like a stream of blood hitting water, then diffusing.

He killed, and it was simply that men got out of his way, or were dead.

He had grown used to something that had been temporary, like the flash of exhilaration in a pair of blue eyes for a moment catching his own. All of that tangled together inside him, and tightened, through the killing, into a single hard knot.

something about the way this is written just hits me in the abandonment issues

‘If the Prince of Vere shows himself, I will kill him.’ Nikandros half spat the words.

nik private twitter venting moment #2

The ground was wet, his legs were mud-spattered above his knees—mud in dry summer, because the ground was blood.

i don’t know man i feel like after a point you have to just be like. hey. why are we doing this again? like yeah i get that fighting in a military force can be for A Cause but unless you’re directly involved in enacting ideological change, aren’t you basically just cannon fodder

On the far side of the field, he saw the flash of embroidered red. That is how Akielons win wars, isn’t it? Why fight the whole army, when you can just—

i’m guessing the part in italics in a previous laurent line, about damen killing auguste at marlas?

He used the little name that Damen had been called as a boy; the childhood name, reserved for intimates.

the fact that is was kastor specifically asking the veretians to call him that…

Damen realised that he was on his knees, his own chest heaving like the chest of his horse.

laurent’s horse will be glad to know that damen’s horse lived. because, as we all know, they’re in love

‘Over?’ The word grated out of him. All he could think was that if the Regent still lived, nothing was over.

it is interesting how, even when he thinks laurent screwed him over (see previous chapter), damen has this uncontrollable rage towards the regent rather than laurent. i think this has more to do with the regent killing his men and trying invade his country, though. and maybe just that it’s easier to hate him than laurent. “regent = bad” is something that’s easy for damen to comprehend right now, while laurent’s whole thing is a lot more confusing and intimate

And with returning awareness, he saw as if for the first time the bodies of the men that he had killed to get to the Regent’s decoy, and beyond that, the evidence of what he had done. The field was a rutted earthworks strewn with the dead. The ground was a churned mess of flesh, ineffective armour and riderless horses. Killing ceaselessly, for hours, he had not been aware of the scale of it, of what he had caused to happen here. He saw flashes behind his eyelids, faces of the men he’d killed. Those left standing were all Akielon; and they stared at Damen as at something impossible.

damen holy shit… i guess that’s one way to reclaim your authority. and he didn’t even mean it as a sign of intimidation, he just wanted to get to the “regent.” who by the way was just some random guy RIP

‘Find the highest-ranked Veretian still living and tell them they have leave to bury their dead,’ said Damen. There was a fallen Akielon banner on the ground beside him. ‘Charcy is claimed for Akielos.’ As he rose, Damen wrapped his hand around its wooden pole and planted it in the earth.

not sure if calling it an akielion victory despite the combined forces is just customary, or intentionally out of spite. i’m leaning on the former, since it’s damen and not laurent we're talking about

The herald came cantering across the devastated landscape on a white, glossy mare with a curved neck and a high, flying tail. Beautiful and untouched, he made a mockery of the sacrifice of the brave men on the field. His banner streamed out behind him, and its blazon was Laurent’s starburst, in blue and shining gold.

here is an excerpt from a post i made while reading king’s rising for the first time:

“damen when he realizes he’s not in a slow burn romance with problematic beginnings, but a complex psychological thriller in which the smartest fictional character i have ever personally encountered has decided to make his life a living hell and also they’re in love with each other but the psychological thriller stuff is way more important to his bitchy blonde nightmare malewife and he is SO down bad and just has to deal with laurent’s mean girls 4d chess petty nonsense bc it’s enrichment for him and damen will kill anyone who gets in laurent’s way and he can’t even pick up the very very VERY clear implications of laurent’s trauma that would probably allow them to reach some kind of vulnerability equilibrium in their relationship”

on a re-read, i think this is a great time to dig into that a little more ;)

SO what i love about so much of laurent’s choices in the next few chapters is the fact that much of what he says and does is entirely petty. like, yes there’s always strategy and trauma and depth as usual, but i think it’s not denying him depth to say that he is 20 years old, this is his first love in the midst of an extremely stressful and messy situation, and despite his own wishes he cannot prevent his emotions from affecting his actions. laurent has had control over so much of the situation with damen thus far, both with the power dynamics between them as master and “slave” and the fact that damen didn’t know that laurent knew who he was. but now laurent knows that damen knows, so all of his previous and future actions are going to be under damen’s scrutiny in that context. they’re equals now, and the secrets reinforcing laurent’s prior cognitive dissonance have dissolved. that leaves laurent vulnerable (especially after being tortured and genuinely letting damen down even if by accident) and emotional compromised (he has no choice but to see damen as damianos, and with that comes all of the auguste baggage and the fact that they’ve already fallen in love and had sex under different circumstances).

all that is to say, the next few chapters are laurent’s mean girls era. he is, again, still being smart and strategic (4d chess), and his feelings are valid and his trauma is real. however, he is also just being MEAN, for the same reasons classic high school movie mean girls tend to be: he feels insecure and vulnerable about his romantic attachment to damen, stressed out by the insane amount of power he definitely should not have, and self-righteous about all the ways the world has conspired against him. regina george might have been the villain of the movie, but she was the hero of her own story. janis and cady methodically dismantled her life as a popular, powerful, and confident person. that’s why she got revenge with the burn book instead of looking inward and acknowledging her own issues, of which there were many. she had a machiavellian view of life, in which mean people always won, and so being mean in retaliation was how she could protect herself from being a victim.

that is laurent’s perspective too, for a lot of this series. we don’t know anything about regina’s backstory, or heather chandler’s (another great example), but we do know exactly why laurent has the worldview he does. he used to be sweet and it made him a victim. so he is mean to protect himself, even if that robs him of his sweetness. damen’s integrity and honor have challenged laurent’s worldview, though, and that has been the source of a lot of laurent’s slow reconsideration. but now that laurent can’t just pretend that damen isn't damianos, now that he has to accept this situation in its full interpersonal and political messiness, he isn’t nearly as inspired. laurent assumes, now that laurent has gone “mask off,” that damen will realize that laurent doesn’t deserve the love he has shown him in the past. because laurent has been mean to damen, by lying about his awareness even at the times damen thought he was being earnest and sweet. that makes damen a victim and fool—two things laurent deeply fears being, and therefore assumes everyone else also fears in themselves. two things the regent had wanted laurent to consider himself, by placing damen in his life in the first place.

therefore, in his insecurity and vulnerability and anger, as a 20 year old just experiencing his first love, as someone with a lot of power and stress who cannot waste time or energy on genuinely confronting his own flaws in good faith, laurent is gearing up to be sososososo mean to damen specifically in the next few chapters. like comedically mean. aimlessly mean. pathetically mean. on purpose. ultimately, if he must be alone (which he obviously must, says laurent's brain), laurent would rather be the villain of someone else’s story than a victim in his own. that, at least, is similar to book 1 laurent—but while he was a cat playing with a mouse in book 1, in a position to do serious damage to his opponent, now he’s more like…. a cat, slapping another cat. evenly matched, but still throwing hands. transparently insecure and pathetic, only effective in doing emotional damage in ways he doesn’t intend. damen isn’t hurt by the petty things laurent says and does, because he sees through them for what they are. he’s hurt because laurent sees them as necessary to protect himself and keep his distance, when all damen wants is to make things okay between them. which laurent would never expect, because he assumes that damen wants nothing to do with him, and would be happier and better off if they stayed apart.

basically: unstoppable force (damen's persistent caring) meets unmovable object (laurent's refusal to be genuinely cared for). the only way for this cycle to end is for damen to choose to stop, or for laurent to choose to yield. laurent will eventually make that choice, but he still has to be a huge bitch about it first. he's going to lash out at damen and challenge him to stop caring, but ultimately fail—both because damen is just built different, and because he's lowkey written as a fantasy partner for emotionally volatile people with attachment and abandonment issues.

rest assured, laurent’s genre is still psychological thriller, but it’s also now a high school drama movie. and damen is about to get a bitter taste of that, with pretty much no choice in the matter. this poor man will have to deal with laurent’s bitchy theatrics as they try to co-parent an army, and he’s already too emotionally invested and aware of laurent’s habit of lashing out when he’s in pain to genuinely fight back.

this could also be called laurent’s s1 catra era, but i’m not sure what the venn diagram of capri and she ra enjoyers looks like. to those who get it—laurent is doing what catra did at princess prom for the next several chapters, down to the “hey adora” = “hello lover.” this dynamic is very fun to read because it doesn’t overstay its welcome. it’s different from laurent in book 1, or catra in general, because it’s so clearly pathetic, damen and laurent are on the same side of the war, and damen could technically make it stop at any point. so i think it’s very very fun, while it lasts >:)

The herald reined in in front of him. Damen looked at the mare’s shiny coat, not dirt-covered, not heaving or darkened with sweat, and then at the herald’s livery, in immaculate condition, unflecked by the dust of the road. He felt it rising at the back of his throat. ‘Where is he?’

damen showed up to the prom laurent planned with him to unite their rival high schools, only to find himself dateless and laurent’s promised fancy party decorations missing. this is the moment where damen checks snapchat (i was in high school from 2013-2017) and sees everyone from vere high at their own immaculately-decorated prom, where laurent is being crowned king. little does damen know, laurent was blindsided by the vere-only prom and forced via social pressure to be there since everyone elected him prom king. they’re mad at each other for a high school drama pacing-typical period of time, and then make up when they realize the misunderstanding and reassert their dedication to each other.

laurent did still murder someone with a chair, though. but like a metal folding chair from the band room

The herald’s back hit the ground. Damen had dragged him bodily from his horse into the dirt, where he lay dazed and winded, with Damen’s knee in his stomach. Damen’s hand was around his neck.

His grip tightened before it opened enough to allow the herald to speak. The herald rolled onto his side and coughed as Damen released him. He pulled something from inside his jacket. Parchment, with two lines on it. You have Charcy. I have Fortaine. He stared at the words, written in familiar, unmistakable handwriting. I’ll receive you at my fort.

lamen hr complaint #5 (unnamed herald): ragdolling this guy over what should be impersonal, professional correspondence

also, because i can't help myself:

Fortaine eclipsed even Ravenel, powerful and beautiful, its towers high-flung, its jutting crenelles biting the sky. It rose to a sheer, impossible height and, from every vantage, it was flying Laurent’s banners. The pennants seemed to float on the air effortlessly, patterned silk in blue and gold.

WELCOME HOME, BROTHER KILLER

Rows upon rows of peaked, coloured tents were pitched on the field outside Fortaine’s walls, the sun lighting the pavilions, the banners, and the silks of a graceful encampment. It was a city of tents, and it camped a fresh, intact force of Laurent’s men, who had not fought and died through the morning. The constructed arrogance of the display was intentional. It said, exquisitely: Did you exert yourself at Charcy? I have been here examining my nails.

this is funny and i wouldn’t put it past laurent, but also i’m not sure if he like. really meant this part of it specifically to piss damen off. he was just tortured idk he probably just wanted things nice. a good part of the fun of lamen divorce era is remembering that damen’s interpretation of events isn’t necessarily accurate, and that it’s hilarious how he interprets things as petty personal slights even when they might not be. they’re both so obsessed with each other and it’s great

Nikandros reined in alongside him. ‘Uncle and nephew are alike. They send other men to do their fighting for them.’

nik tweets this verbatim on priv (#3)

Damen was silent. What he felt in his chest was a hardness like anger. He looked at the elegant silken city and thought about men dying on the field at Charcy.

but not exactly anger—betrayal? heartache? self-consciousness?

Some kind of herald’s greeting party was riding towards them. He gripped the Regent’s bloody, torn banner in his hand.

the phrase “greeting party” just made me imagine them rolling up with like confetti and a speaker blasting the celebration song. while damen holds the bloody torn banner

‘Just me,’ said Damen, and put his heels into his horse. About halfway across the field, he was met by the herald, who arrived with an anxious party of four attendants saying something urgent about protocol. Damen listened to four words of it. ‘Don’t worry,’ said Damen. ‘He’s expecting me.’

lamen hr complaint #6 (more unnamed heralds): disregarding protocol

(also “he’s expecting me” girlllll)

Without even pulling off his gauntlets, he strode to the tent. He knew its high scalloped folds; he knew the starburst pennant. No one stopped him. Not even when he reached the tent and dismissed the soldier at the entrance with a single order: ‘Go.’ He didn’t bother to see if his order was obeyed. The soldier let him through: of course he did; this had all been planned. Laurent was ready for him whether he came docilely behind the herald or, as he did now, the dirt and the sweat of the battle still on him, blood dried in the places where a cursory swipe with a cloth had not reached it. He swept the tent flap back with an arm, and stepped inside.

again i do have to question, beyond the drama, how much of this is as intentional and petty as damen thinks it is. like, the heralds literally cite protocol, damen knows this is the correct way for a camp to be run. i think he is assuming a lot here, although it’s reasonable to do so. we have seen in the past that damen assumes things of laurent that laurent is just like, “uh. not everything i do is on purpose” about, or damen is just WRONG about. i just wonder if damen’s approach here confirms things laurent was worried about (damen thinking poorly of him now that they’re on even ground), further fueling the fire of his rejection-sensitive bitchiness. not that it’s an excuse, or even undeserved, but it’s good to remember that there are two sides to the story.

like to damen, this is an angry post-battle rush of a moment to confront laurent and speak his truth (he doesn’t know laurent knows who he is), but to laurent this is like. post-torture and escape, and basically being thrown into the deep end of vulnerability with damianos and what this all implies to auguste’s memory. we’re not getting the best or most rational version of either of them right now, which is great for the drama but also makes the narration less reliable

This was the place Laurent had chosen.

right. damen thinks laurent chose this place to hear the truth about him, because the “you have charcy” note implies that at some point laurent probably figured out that damen is damianos. therefore laurent chose this occasion for them to meet each other, as they truly are by birth, for the first time. damen just doesn’t know the twist that laurent has always known who he’s been, and has chosen everything else before now with that knowledge too

There were a few furnishings, low seats, cushions, and in the background a trestle table hung with its own coverings, and set with shallow bowls of sugared pears and oranges. As though they were going to nibble at sweetmeats.

the same guy who ordered the “sorry you were given a severed head and discovered a suicide” fruit basket in prince’s gambit had to order a “sorry i gaslighted you for 2 books but not really because you also technically gaslighted me” fruit basket in kings rising

He lifted his gaze from the table to the exquisitely attired figure leaned with a single shoulder against the tent pole, watching him.

lucky number laurent lean #13!

Laurent said, ‘Hello, lover.’

It was not going to be simple.

this being the follow-up line to “hello lover” is such a good combination of funny and tension-building. like laurent’s cunty tableau immediately put out damen’s fiery righteous indignation and now he’s just like “oh this is going to suck.”

He made himself breathe through that. ‘Your men think you’re a coward. Nikandros thinks that you deceived us. That you sent us to Charcy, and left us there to die by your uncle’s sword.’ ‘And is that what you think?’ said Laurent. ‘No.’ Damen said, ‘Nikandros doesn’t know you.’

this is really a testament to pacat’s cleverness, how in chapter 1 there are a lot of moments where it’s almost like damen is directly saying he thinks laurent screwed him over—nikandros and the herald saying it and him not disagreeing, him accepting the reality that laurent is not going to show up—but he never does truly say that he thinks the abandonment was on purpose. because he didn’t, and he doesn’t, which makes sense. but he’s still angry and confused and also just concerned about how laurent is taking the “news” that he’s damianos. how much of damen’s anger about laurent’s composed appearance is projection of his anxiety about laurent seeing him as he truly is, a powerful authority figure in his own right who just won a battle against insane odds?

it’s so ambiguously written that it’s almost like pacat WANTS us to spiral. which i did, and will probably continue to do, so well-played. these books are like evil catnip to anxious overthinking theater people with attachment issues and an interest in understanding complex fictional situations to cope with the fact that real life never makes enough sense. also kinky gays but let's be real that's just a trojan horse for the other stuff

‘And you do.’ Damen looked at the arrangement of Laurent’s weight, the careful way he was holding his body. Laurent’s left hand was still casually resting against the tent pole. Deliberately, he stepped forward, and clasped Laurent’s right shoulder. Nothing, for a moment. Damen tightened his grip, and ground in with his thumb. Harder. He watched Laurent turn ashen. Finally, Laurent said, ‘Stop.’

proving that he knows laurent well enough to pick up from his posture alone exactly where he’s been injured. also they’re both so messy, like let’s put pressure on each other’s literal and figurative wounds instead of just talking about our misconceptions and feelings, awesome

He let go. Laurent had wrenched back and was clutching his shoulder, where the blue of his doublet had darkened. Blood, welling up from some newly bandaged, subterranean place, and Laurent was staring at him, his eyes oddly wide. ‘You wouldn’t break an oath,’ said Damen, past the feeling in his chest. ‘Even to me.’

damen proving to himself, and proving to laurent, that he knows that laurent didn’t screw him over, and instead was injured and failed to show up. laurent is shocked by how quickly damen picked up on this. also ow

He had to force himself back.

he doesn’t want to see laurent in pain, or know that he’s causing it :( which is especially unfortunate given the conversation they’re about to have about damen murdering laurent’s brother

Laurent didn’t answer. He still had a hand clutched to his shoulder, his fingers sticky with blood. Laurent said, ‘Even to you?’

“you wouldn’t break an oath, even to me” (“even to me” being a sort of freudian slip, meaning “i killed your brother, and i’ve known that this whole time and i haven’t told you, and you have a good reason to hate me for that”) “even to you?” (to damen’s incomplete understanding: “well i know who you are now, and if i’d known before i would have broken every oath to you i’ve ever made”)

He made himself look at Laurent. The truth was an awful presence in his chest.

babygirl it’s about to get so much awfuller

He thought of the single night they had spent together. He thought of Laurent, giving himself, dark-eyed and vulnerable, and of the Regent, who knew how to break a man.

damen totally sees laurent as his “victim” right now, set up well by him re-opening laurent’s physical wound. damen fucked this man while knowing that he (damen) killed his (laurent’s) brother, and put trust in him. if they were normal, or this was a normal story, that’s where the confrontation would end. it would be that simple—damen didn’t mean to hurt laurent but still did, and laurent has to forgive him for that, and forgive himself for being fooled—and then it would get tearfully resolved because they love each other so much that it doesn't matter. but they are not normal, and this is not a normal story, so…

Outside, two armies were poised to fight. The moment was here, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He remembered the Regent’s constant suggestion: Bed my nephew. He had done that, wooed him, won him. Charcy, he saw, hadn’t mattered to the Regent. It hadn’t meant anything. The Regent’s real weapon against Laurent had always been Damen himself.

damen thinks the regent’s plan had been to weaken laurent by putting him in circumstances where he’d unknowingly make himself vulnerable with his brother’s killer, triggering him emotionally and destroying his judgment. i'm pretty sure that this was basically his intention, but had also made sure that it would also torture laurent even if he did recognize damen on the spot.

personally i think the regent knew that laurent knew in book 1 through observing his reaction, but had planned for both possibilities in advance. what he hadn't expected, though, was for laurent and damen to start genuinely working together instead of against each other. this happens early as the thing with patras, and really pops off during the botched assassination attempt.

charcy was meant to drive a wedge between them, to correct the regent's previous miscalculation. and given the inevitable truth damen must now reveal, there's nothing he can really do to stop laurent from being upset.

‘I’ve come to tell you who I am.’ Laurent was so keenly familiar, the shade of his hair, the strapped down clothing, the full lips that he held tense or cruelly repressed, the ruthless asceticism, the unbearable blue eyes. ‘I know who you are, Damianos,’ said Laurent. Damen heard it, as the interior of the tent seemed to change, so that all of the objects in it took on a different shape. ‘Did you think,’ said Laurent, ‘I wouldn’t recognise the man who killed my brother?’

the way i YELLED during my first read. i remember even like posting something before, like “oh my god damen just tell him put this poor man out of his misery,” and then after i got to this part i immediately went and deleted that post

Each word was an ice chip. Painful, sharp; a shard. Laurent’s voice was perfectly steady.

do you think he practiced this?

‘I knew in the palace, when they dragged you in front of me,’ said Laurent. The words continued, steady, relentless. ‘I knew in the baths when I ordered you flayed. I knew—’

he definitely practiced this

‘At Ravenel?’ said Damen.

“you knew when you kissed me and let me fuck you????”

‘If you knew,’ said Damen, ‘how could you—’ ‘Let you fuck me?’ His own chest hurt, so that he almost didn’t notice the signs of it in Laurent, the control, the face, pale at any time, now white.

he almost didn’t notice the signs, which means he still totally did. because even now, damen is attentive and caring towards laurent

‘I needed a victory at Charcy. You provided it. It was worth enduring,’ Laurent spoke the terrible, lucid words, ‘your fumbling attentions for that.’

LIARRRRRRR

It hurt so much it took the breath from his throat. ‘You’re lying.’ Damen’s heart was pounding. ‘You’re lying.’ The words were too loud. ‘You thought I was leaving. You practically threw me out.’ He said it, as the realisation blossomed inside him. ‘You knew who I was. You knew who I was the night we made love.’

tbh i think this kind of realization would make me have a panic attack on the spot. also do you think this is the kind of betrayal he’s been trying so hard to avoiding confronting, coming from kastor and jokaste? but here he has no choice to confront it, because laurent is forcing him to understand the depths of the deception. no avoiding it now

He thought of Laurent surrendering, not the first time, but the second, the slower, sweeter time, the tension in him, the way he had— ‘You weren’t making love to a slave, you were making love to me.’

very true, but laurent isn’t ready to deal with it. he can’t keep up the cognitive dissonance in the present, but that doesn’t mean he’s about to accept that it was real in the past. instead he’ll just lash out.

And he couldn’t think that through clearly but he could catch a glimmer of it, a glimmer of the edge of it. ‘I thought you wouldn’t, I thought you’d never—’

OF COURSE damen suspected, at some points, that laurent knew. but this tells us that he’d ultimately dismissed the notion because it would have been insane for laurent to kiss and fuck him, while knowing his real identity. “i thought you wouldn’t, i thought you’d never—“

this is similar to how i thought about it during my first read—i suspected for all of book 1, and some of book 2, but then figured that the story was taking a different direction because how the hell could the plot points of “laurent knows who damen is” and “laurent makes himself vulnerable to damen and does a romance/sex about it” possibly be compatible? laurent, a deeply traumatized and self-protective person, wouldn’t and would never. except i underestimated laurent’s capacity for self-delusion, and overestimated the amount of control he truly has over his emotions and impulses, beneath all the posturing. damen, here, is recognizing that he’s made similar miscalculations, and now he’s seeing laurent as he truly is. they’re both seeing each other, truly, for the first time.

‘Laurent, six years ago, when I fought Auguste, I—’ ‘Don’t you say his name.’ The words were forced out of Laurent. ‘Don’t you ever say his name, you killed my brother.’

i like the simplicity of this. just the plainness of “you killed my brother.” laurent’s language is so often clever and cagey and embellished, but that last sentiment is raw and informal, and what we the reader are probably screaming in our heads. because yeah, holy shit, damen killed laurent’s brother. it’s a pretty hard thing to argue against, or ignore. “you lied to me” “you killed my brother” “you flogged me” “you killed my brother” “you forgot to do the dishes” “you killed my brother”

Laurent was breathing shallowly, almost panting as he spoke, his hands rigid on the edge of the table behind him.

his practiced words are saying one thing, but his body is very obviously having a panic attack. this scene isn’t nearly as much of a laurent mean girl moment as it seemed during a rushed first read. that’s actually kind of a relief to me, bc it made me sad to interpret him as so heartless and unfazed the first time around. even if “hello lover” is an iconic moment, it’s a performance more than anything else. and pacat shows us this sooner than i recalled or first perceived. she’s not torturing us, the reader, as much as she’s torturing both damen and laurent. and it’s not even like a lazy misunderstanding kind of torture, this is genuinely complicated and they’re both in the wrong and they both are justified in this pain and hurt. i just couldn’t see that as well the first time, having binged like all of book 2 already and having no idea what would happen next and honestly just being shocked and betrayed and compelled by the massive mislead with laurent’s awareness of the situation

‘Is that what you want to hear, that I knew who you were and I still let you fuck me, my brother’s killer, who cut him down like an animal on the field?’

you know he doesn’t, laurent, that’s just what you’re telling yourself now that you’re forced to confront it. you started this scene with “hello lover” and your prepared speech, hoping to destroy damen emotionally, but once again you’ve just kinda played yourself. maybe just cool it with the emotional gambits for now, when it comes to damen, bc they only really seem to come back and hurt you (oh fuck he can’t hear me)

‘Shall I ask you how you did it? What he looked like when your sword went in?’ ‘No,’ said Damen.

laurent, shaking, pale, looks like he’s about to pass out: “you bastard, tell me about how you murdered my brother as i think about the fact that i let you fuck me in a similar way, go ahead just make it hurt more”

damen, not a therapist but still emotionally intelligent enough to know this isn’t really about punishing him: no, i don’t think i will. can you like sit down

‘Or shall I tell you about the illusion of the man who gave me good counsel. Who stood by me. Who never lied to me.’ ‘I never lied to you.’

that italicized “i” is interesting. is it an accusation of laurent’s own lying and hypocrisy, or a specification that damen never directly told laurent he wasn’t damianos? given damen’s well-established integrity, i’m guessing it’s the first option. again with the mutual moral arbitration. and damen wouldn’t want to take such a weak a cop-out as “well i never technically said it,” it’s just not typical of his character.

The words were awful in the silence that followed them. ‘“Laurent, I am your slave”?’ said Laurent. He felt the breath forced out from his lungs.

of course laurent takes it as the second option, though, and implies that by swearing himself to laurent and then bedding him damen was directly lying about his identity. because to laurent, damen =/= damianos. a slave can’t be a prince. so damianos, the prince, must have been intentionally lying about being damen, the slave. and that’s actually easier, and less painful, and less complicated to accept than any kind of nuanced alternative.

‘Don’t,’ he said, ‘talk about it like—’ ‘Like?’ ‘Like it was cold-blooded; like I controlled it. Like we didn’t both close our eyes and pretend I was a slave.’ He made himself say the exposing words. ‘I was your slave.’

he’s right. nothing much to add here. damen wasn't just literally laurent's slave, he had devoted himself emotionally as well, and he's admitting it here despite the fact that it makes him vulnerable—something laurent is too much of a (traumatized, understandable) coward to do himself. i love damen's characterization so much

‘There was no slave,’ said Laurent. ‘He never existed. I don’t know what manner of man stands before me now. All I know is that I am facing him for the first time.’ ‘He is here.’ His flesh ached as if he had been prised open. ‘We are the same.’

this gives us some insight to laurent’s actions in book 1—not necessarily excusing them, but making them fit better into what we’ve since learned about his moral code. it ties things together, which isn’t the same as making them simpler or easier to like. pacat is very very VERY good at establishing continuous moral ambiguity in her characters, and does not rush the slow burn of making ends meet. so when she does eventually begin to connect things, it’s satisfying, because it hasn’t been all been spelled out the whole time so readers don’t have to think for themselves. this, in reference to a lot of the series’s more problematic themes, is exactly why i think people end up seeing capri as apologism or glamorization. but by claiming that, i also think they’re exposing themselves as impatient, shallow, and (sorry) simply lazy.

but i don't just want to be reductive and uncharitable, because that would be shallow and lazy too. to be perfectly clear, i honestly can't blame people for disliking this series, and not being willing or able to have patience and understanding for its more problematic elements. this series is marketed as romance/erotica. it started as indulgent kink fic. it ended up evolving into its current state during its development—and i'm really glad it did, but that doesn't change the fact that so much of its marketing and premise imply certain things that it doesn't quite deliver. and if you look up the series today, as it's still being published years after its completion, it's still marketed in a way i find somewhat misleading. to the extent that when i picked it up, it was in an intentional attempt to expand my own horizons—i wanted to challenge myself with indulgent shameless problematic porn/romance, as opposed to the weak-ass "enemies" to lovers running rival bakeries gay romance novels with canva covers that haven't worked for me in the past. the logic was basically, "well, if i don't like romance on that side of the scale, maybe i'll like the opposite extreme, or at least learn more about what i don't like." and i did feel pretty challenged during book 1, to the point that for a while i only kept reading out of morbid curiosity and vague horniness rather than any genuine expectation of depth or satisfying storytelling. it was only around the assassination scene in book 1 that i started to see the book as something capable of more depth and intrigue than just like kinky debauchery, and it pretty much just snowballed from there. and as someone who frequently reads about these dark topics in other genres and contexts, i was familiar enough with the things happening on the page to at least stomach them and push foward.

however, if i was coming at the series from a different place—like if i loved cozy romance and had very little familiarity with reading about these topics—i can see the first book especially being very blindsiding and distressing, and not wanting to engage with it further. that's not laziness, it just means that the book wasn't for me.

and the nuance doesn't end there. one of the things i love most about this series is that, even if i was just looking for shameless slavekink porn and decidedly did not want to rise to the occasion of depth or thematic exploration, i would also walk away unsatisfied. because the truly problematic shit in these books is not shameless at all, and indulgence never comes without a cost. there are a few distasteful moments that make me roll my eyes, and the garden scene definitely prompts a Conversation—but as a whole, i think pacat is very aware of the moral implications of these themes. and i also think she's perfectly aware of the fact that many people get off on them.

this series almost feels like an accidental study of, like, the psychological implications of being a person compelled by dub-con and problematic kink, finding a sort of gratification in situations where those things ar kind of inevitable (like they are for damen in book 1). AND this is made even more complicated and brave by the fact that laurent is, very relevantly, a victim of serious sexual assault. like, as hot as some of the scenes in this book are, i really don't think it makes itself easy for people to just uncritically get themselves off to. it doesn't encourage shame, but it does encourage introspection. and a lot of people simply don't read erotica and romance to introspect. (couldn't be me though. if it isn't clear, i love the laurent of vere "having insane mindfucking sex fully clothed across the room" approach to eroticism).

i feel like it's actually kind of funny that i specifically got here, as a person who almost always reads books that force dark introspection, and assumed that this erotica/romance book would be mindless, but ended up with gestures vaguely instead. for me, coming across this series and realizing what it truly is was an incredibly happy accident. but for others, i completely understand how it could be the exact opposite, and it's not lazy or shallow to realize that you misunderstood what you were getting yourself into and step away.

what is lazy and shallow, though, is to either DNF and review based on those misconceptions, or keep reading simply to fuel your own disdain and discomfort. ultimately, i think that the true error of people who walk into capri wanting shameless porn or untroubling romance is the fact that they keep reading, even when it becomes clear that the book isn't doing that. and then they decide to evaluate the book based on expectations and standards that aren't the ones the author or fans have for the work itself. people seem to take out their anger towards the SUBJECTS of slavery or rape in fiction themselves on capri, rather then the way capri specifically portrays them. either because they fucking stopped reading the book and just wanted to go on a tangent on the topics in general, or hate-read to confirm their own pre-existing bias.

my point is, nobody has to read things that trigger or upset them, and it's okay to just pass on fictional stuff that makes you feel bad or frustrated. aspects of this series made me feel bad and frustrated, even on re-read, but i enjoy the intellectual and emotional exercise of exploring those feelings and better understanding the true meaning and purpose of the art. but there are certain topics in other works of fiction that i'm unwilling to explore, which would cause me to simply stop reading, and if asked for a review i'd just say that i'm not the right person to say. and there have been many times where i've continued reading a book, hoping it would change directions, and ended up just being like, "yeah, that wasn't for me," and moving on.

the exchange "there was no slave, he never existed" "here is here, we are the same" is almost a meta-commentary on the reception of the series as a whole. it would be dishonest to deny how this series started, and some of the themes and subjects it intentionally confronts. you can't say "there was no slave [kink], [it] never existed" because the narrative proceeded to be more of a commentary on kink rather than an uncritical display of it. kink, and dark topics in fiction in general, do all have depth, and while they might not be for everyone, they are for someone. exploring that depth is entirely optional, and i understand why people with certain experiences don't want anything to do with that exploration. but our personal tastes don't change the fact that subjects like slavery and rape exist, and that reality is inseparable from the stories that come from it. ultimately, the choice is whether we're willing to take that specific reality thoughtfully on, or else just walk away.

the people i have the hardest time with are the ones who choose neither of those options. like, what do you even get out of continuing to read something that you're unwilling to explore in good faith, or that you straight-up hate? just read something else. we only have so much time in the day. stop wasting yours, and stop wasting the time of people who actually enjoy the thing with your useless bad-faith criticism. sorry this tangent has totally departed from the chapter itself, but that really is what pisses me off so much about current-day online book culture. like, i'm thinking about all of those smug-looking booktubers making 2 hour videos called "i read [name of book that doesn't appeal to the lowest common denominator of people] so you don't have to." i know how long it takes to read books thoughtfully, and then to write, film, and edit videos. maybe stop wasting your own time and dig into something you love instead, or even try to make your own thing, and just hope that some smug asshole on the internet doesn't decide to do to your work what you've done to other people's work. but no, lazy cynicism and appealing to the easy gimmick of cringe is way more profitable, i guess. and it makes you less vulnerable to people criticizing work that came from your soul, because the work you're creating is completely soulless.

anyway. i wonder what kind of totally normal things damen and laurent are up to in the chapter i'm annotating

‘Kneel then,’ said Laurent. ‘Kiss my boot.’

"if you really are still a slave, even though we both know you’re a king, then do a demeaning slave thing right now"

He looked into Laurent’s excoriating blue eyes. The impossibility of it was like a sharp pain. He couldn’t do it. He could only gaze at Laurent across the distance between them. The words hurt. ‘You’re right. I’m not a slave,’ he said.

can’t indulge in the kink anymore by circumstantial necessity, but i’m sure they’ll find something even weirder to do instead on purpose

‘I am the King.’ He said, ‘I killed your brother. And now I hold your fort.’ As he spoke, Damen drew out a knife. He felt rather than saw all of Laurent’s attention swing to it. The physical signs were small: Laurent’s lips parted, his body tensed. Laurent didn’t look at the knife. He kept his eyes on Damen, who looked right back at him. ‘So you will parley with me as with a king, and you will tell me why you called me here.’ Deliberately, Damen tossed the knife onto the floor of the tent.

okay this is just extra of him, but i mean laurent got to do “hello lover” so damen deserves to be dramatic too as a treat. i also like what this symbolizes, as opposed to their previous knife moments. as defined by their stations, they don’t have a power imbalance anymore, and they don’t have a reason to be enemies. they are a prince and a king, not a master and a slave. they are military allies, teaming up against the regent. any power imbalance and beef they have now is emotional, complicated, and abstract, nothing clear-cut (haha) enough to be represented by an instrument of simple violence like a knife. and damen summarizes this perfectly, in the context of their previous knife moments, by viscerally reminding laurent of those encounters and then just tossing the thing across the room.

honestly, i bet laurent feels jealous of the clever performative gesture. and maybe a little turned on, too, despite the horrors. that’s a fun reversal.

‘Didn’t you know?’ said Laurent. ‘My uncle is in Akielos.’

yeah, he got a really good all-inclusive deal at the akielion sandals resort and needed a vacation after all of the murder and [redacted]

#sam reads capri #capri #captive prince #kings rising #laurent of vere #damen of akielos #lamen #i go on a long rant about capri's reputation and current day book reviewer culture in this one

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raya-hunter01 · 1 year ago

Text

Fade Into You Part. 2

Prequel Lights, Camera, Action!

Jey Uso x Black Female OC! (Shantell)

Roman x Black Female OC! Tangela

Solo x Black Female OC! Sofia

Jimmy x Trin

Rating: 18+

Warning: Smut; oral, sex, fluff, masturbation

FADE INTO YOU

Summary: This is the Prequel for Lights, Camera, Action! How does an outburst on your first day lead to a lifelong friendship with the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns and the stands the test of time. How does that friendship introduce you to a special group of people that will become your family.

When did the lines get blurred between friendship and wanting a relationship with one of your best friends Mr. Main Event Jey Uso. Follow the friendships, and relationships of how they all came to be the one big happy family we all know and love in Lights, Camera, Action.

Times Square August 2018

Manhattan, New York

“This place is amazing.” I said taking in the experience and people as Joe was showing me downtown Manhattan. “Come on, you gotta try a hot dog, they be busin’,” Joe said continuing to walk as I stopped in my tracks mesmerized by a movie trailer playing on the big screen.

“Hey, why did you stop? Joe asked coming over to see what had caught my eye.

“That’s amazing, I said pointing up at the larger-than-life screen in awe as Joe smiled at me. “You know your movie trailers are gon’ be playin’ up there someday,” he said as I laughed. “Oh, stop teasing me Joe,” I said waving him off as we continued our walk.

“I’m serious Shantell, you gon’ do amazing things and I can’t wait to cheer you on,” Joe said kissing my hand as I blushed.

“Well speak it into the atmosphere bestie,” I said smiling at him as we continued our search for a hotdog vendor.

“So, did Jey tell you about the new Candy development? Joe asked as I frowned at him. “No, what’s going on now? I asked as he sighed almost as if he was trying to find the right words to say.

“She had her lawyer contact Jey today, she all of a sudden wants a reconciliation. Mind you his brother just saw the other man at the house the other day,” he said as I growled in frustration.

“ I swear the more people tell me about this chick the more I want to punch her in the fuckin’ throat,” I said honestly as Joe laughed. Wincing in pain I rubbed my side. “What was that?” Joe asked instantly moving my hand, rubbing my side where my hand had been.

“It’s nothing, I just had a sharp pain that caught me off guard. It’s gone now,” I said as he seemed to not be buying my answer.

“You sure, I mean cause doc can check you out at the building,” Joe said checking me over.

“I’m good stop worrying,” I reassured him as we finally found a vendor and got a few hotdogs. We spent a good portion of the afternoon just exploring the city.

-------

Smackdown

Madison Square Garden

Shantell’s POV

“So, you actually behind a camera tonight? Jimmy asked as Tevin was helping me set up my camera. “Yes, I’m over your segment, we are going to run it on the after-show,” I said as Jimmy smiled. "I see they tryin’ to make these big moves to use you. That’s what’s up," Jimmy said as I smiled.

“Is it too heavy?” Tevin asked coming behind me trying to help me as I was trying to get used to the camera. “Nah, I think I’ll be good as long as I ain’t got to hold it long,” I said honestly as Tevin laughed putting his hands on my hips trying to keep me steady.

“Aye, no funny business, I got my eyes on you,” Jimmy said eying Tevin suspiciously as Tevin scoffed. I couldn't help but look at Jimmy horrified.

“I can assure you I’m a professional, Mr. Uso,” Tevin said as I gave Jimmy a look to shut up.

“Thanks, Tevin I want to put it down now since we’ve got a few minutes and we’re still waiting on Jey,” I said as he grabbed the camera off my shoulder.

I could hear the shuffle of feet in a steady jog. “Aye, I’m here ya’ll I had a meeting with Paul,” Jey said coming over as I smiled at him. Ok, I’ll admit it, I’m crushin’ bad.

“No problem, you didn’t have to rush,” I assured him as I took a deep breath dreading putting the camera on my shoulder, my side was already killing me.

“Ok, I need ya’ll by the fence,” I said walking over as they joined me. “Where do you want us,” Jey asked as I looked around at the lighting. “Jey on my left Jimmy pivot into Jey so I can do this in a tight shot,” I said as Jimmy and Jey looked confused.

“What the hell is a tight shot?” Jimmy said as I hit him on the shoulder jokingly. “Just trust me, I got ya’ll,” I said as they were trying to put their heads together bouncing ideas off of each other.

Jey’s POV

I have no clue what my brother is saying in this fuckin promo, I’m too focused on this motherfucka Tevin here finding every reason to touch Shantell.

I feel my fist tighten as I see him place his hands on her hips as she leaned up on her tiptoes.

Slowly growlin’ I opened my mouth slightly to show off my new grill.

“Tell’em all what we bout to do Jey,” Jimmy said as I I rubbed my hands together. “We back like we never left and we comin’! We comin’ for what’s ours, you looking at the soon-to-be Smackdown tag team champions! Wellllcoome!!! To the Uso Penatenturary!! I shouted as Jimmy and me mean mugged the camera. I almost didn't see Shantell’s hand counting us down but we had it right before she yelled cut.

“Hell yea, ya’ll did great,” Shantell said as Tevin took the camera off her shoulder.

“Thanks, Shan,” I said giving her a hug shooting Tevin a look as he looked nervous. Yea, I know what you tryin to do and it ain’t gon’ work. Hands off this one bruh.

“Are you comin’ out wit us tonight?” Jimmy asked Shantell as she shook her head no. “Nah, I’m tired. I’m going to call home, check on my grandmother, and turn it in,” Shantell said.

“Well, I’ll owe you a drink in the next town,” I said as she smiled at me before her phone went off.

“Sorry ya’ll Paul is calling me,” she said walking off privately to take her call. “Aye, when you gon’ tell Shantell you feelin’ her?” Jimmy said as I frowned at him.

“I ain’t feelin’ her..I mean she’s cool, but she my Uce, that’s it. I told you I ain’t into dating nobody. I got too much shit goin’ on to bring anybody into this shit,” I said as Jimmy rolled his eyes.

“Well ok, that’s yo ass when she’s on somebody else’s arm. Then she really gon’ be just yo damn Uce,” Jimmy said walking away leaving me in my thoughts.

I mean did I really like Shantell?…… Nah, it can't be... We're just friends.

--------------

Time Square

Manhattan, New York

Jimmy’s POV

Jey and I hit a few bars tonight and got pretty damn lit. “Aye, where we at?” Jey asked as I laughed. “Shit, I don’t know see this why I wanted Trin to come wit us,” I said laughing pulling out my phone trying to focus.

“Aye, man this some bullshit,” Jey said as I tried to focus my eyes but my vision was blurry as fuck and I accidently pressed the live button on my Instagram. “Shit, how you turn this off,” I said trying to find the end live button as Jey grabbed my phone.

“Give me the fuckin phone, we fuckin lost in Time Square," Jey snickered as I laughed myself. “Oh my god it’s the Usos!” we heard someone say as I turned, seeing the guy coming closer to us as Jey laughed. “It’s the fuckin’ Usos! I exclaimed in an excited voice having a little fun with the fan.

“We lost in Time Square, now look at this motherfucka,” Jey said turning the phone on the fan as we continued to laugh. Then I saw Jey’s eyes get wide, a sudden realization dawned on him. I started to see more people making their way towards us and it hit me as well.

“Oh, shit we in a bad predicament, oh fuck we gotta go,” Jey said somewhat sober now. “We gon hit another bar?” I asked as Jey rolled his eyes “Hell nawl, we gotta go,” Jey said passing me my phone.

Trying to think of a way to end my live I began talking with a bit more sense. “Aye, uh, right now we gon’ head out,” I said as the fan interrupted me. “Can I get a photo really quick?” he asked as I looked at him unsure of what to say.

“Shit, turn it off Jon,” Jey said finally finding the button ending my live. “Man, you always getting me in shit,” Jey said as I rolled my eyes as we took a quick picture with the fan before continuing our way back to the hotel.

“I didn’t put no drink to yo mouth and make you drink it,” I said as he shook his head. “You might as well come on bro, get the bitch off yo mind, take a load off,” Jey mocked as I tried to shift the blame.

“See why you gotta bring up old shit?” I said as Jey ran his hands over his face. Well at least one of us was sobering up…

-----

Embassy Suites

Shantell’s POV

Sitting on the balcony I finally felt relaxed, and I was finally feeling better. I was slowly dozing as my phone startled me, looking down I saw I got a notification on Instagram saying Jimmy had been live. “What the hell he goin’ live for at two in the morning?” I muttered clicking on his live.

“Oh my god,” I whispered watching the live in horror until it abruptly ended. “What the hell were they thinking?" I said to myself trying to calm down as heard commotion down below that seemed to be close by. I knew…Well I hoped it was them making it back safely.

“Son of a bitch,” I muttered going back into my room, slipping on some sweats along with my shoes, quickly grabbed my key. I opened my door and almost collided with Trin. "I can’t reach Jimmy nor Jey, have you heard from them?” she asked frantically as I dragged her hand, steering her towards the elevator.

“I think they are close by," I said as Trin wiped her tears. “I just don’t know what to do about Jimmy and this drinking. Now he got Jey out here acting stupid too,” she cried as I rubbed her back.

“Hey, he’s ok…and ya’ll are going to figure it out. Jey’s gon’ figure his shit out too, you gotta believe that,” I said trying to not freak out on this elevator that was moving so slow.

Jey’s POV

“Damn I ain’t got my key,” I muttered searching through my pockets as Jimmy was leaning up against the wall outside the hotel.

“Aye, can I stay wit you tonight? Trin gon’ kill me, I said I was only gon’ have two drinks. I can’t walk in the room like this, “Jimmy said somewhat sobering up.

“Glad you starting to sober up, but didn’t you hear me say I can’t find my fuckin’ key!” I screamed as Jimmy laughed.

“Excuse me, could you both keep it down people are trying to sleep around here. If you can’t keep it down we will have to call the proper authorities,” an older gentleman bellhop said as Jimmy rolled his eyes stepping to the guy.

“How about you mind yo fuckin business,” he said as I saw Shantell and Trin come out of the hotel. I would rather be anywhere than here looking at their faces right now.

“Ah hell,” I whispered as Trin walked up to Jimmy. “I’m sorry for my husband’s outburst, he’s just had a lot going on. I’m going to take him to bed now, “Trin said as Jimmy’s face softened.

“Hey baby!” he started as her cold stare made him zip his lips as she took him by the hand guiding him inside. “I can’t believe you out here acting a fuckin fool, shit doesn’t make no sense. I’m getting real sick of the shit,” I heard her say as Jimmy hung his head.

Yeah, he was gon’ have a long day tomorrow groveling. My eyes met Shantell’s as she sighed looking around at everything but me. “Now what you gotta say?” I asked in a harsh tone as I saw Shantell look at me shaking her head in disbelief. “What are you talking about?” Shantell asked looking intently at me.

“Look I see how you lookin’ at me. What you ready to scold me, and judge me like everybody else? Just nagging like my damn wife do,” I accused, as Shantell looked at me in disappointment and sadness.

I knew I was wrong as fuck; and reckless with how I was speaking with her. This is why I hate drinking; I say shit I can’t take back and lines get crossed.

I knew Shantell was bout to let me have it as I watched the emotions play out across her face and I deserved it.

“First of all who the hell you think you talkin’ to? I ain’t yo wife and I damn sure ain’t your woman and even if i was you wouldn't talk to me that way. All I was going to say is that you don’t need to be putting yourself in situations like that. Anything could have happened Jey. I could hear ya’ll on my balcony and I just came down to make sure ya’ll were good,” Shantell said as I sighed in defeat and understanding because I couldn’t find the right words to say.

“I really thought after everything that happened last week, you would know that I would never do that to you, or anybody for that matter,” she whispered as I groaned in frustration knowing I had hurt her feelings with my accusations.

“Shantell I’m sorry,” I started as she cut me off bluntly.” I’m sorry to," she said pausing, rubbing her temples. The silence spoke louder than any words as we both were trying to process the conversation.

“You know what Jey? I’m not sorry because as your friend I’m supposed to tell you when you fuckin’ up. You know why…Because that’s what real friends do. So I’m telling you to your face don’t fuck up everything you worked so hard for, do better,” she said as I nodded.

“Look you right, I gotta do better. I didn't mean to come at you like that, I’m drunk and I ain’t thinkin’ clearly,” I said as she bit her lip.

“It’s okay, I’m just glad you both got back safe and ya’ll weren’t behind the wheel of a car. I’ll just holla at you later, good night, Josh,” she said walking back inside the hotel.

“Uh! You dumb fuck,” I whispered to myself as I saw her getting on the elevator, my heart dropping to my stomach as I saw her wiping tears from her eyes as the doors on the elevator closed.

"Excuse me, sir, I don’t mean to get in your business but women like that are the ones you don’t take for granted. That’s a real one right there, you betta go make it right young man before you lose her,” the bellhop said as I sighed.

“I will OG, but I want to say I’m sorry bout being loud and everything, just had a lot going on,” I said as he smiled.

“No harm, just take care of yourself,” he said as I shook his hand and began my journey up to Shantell’s room.

Now how the hell was I gon’ make this up to her?

-----

Shantell’s POV

Shantell save yourself you’re going to get hurt,” I said to myself getting ready for bed as I heard a knock on my door. I knew who it was, and I wasn’t in the mood.

“Go away Jey,” I whispered softly against the door as I heard him mutter something under his breath I couldn’t make out. “What did you say?” I asked hearing him take a deep breath.

“I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry again. I know you were just worried and lookin’ out for me,” he said as I contemplated opening the door.

“Jey, it’s ok just go sleep it off. We’ll talk tomorrow when you’re more sober,” I said as I heard him turn the doorknob. “Shan, can I come in? I just don’t want to end the night like this,” Jey said as I sighed slowly giving in unlocking the door, and letting him in.

“I’m sorry Shantell, It’ll never happen again,” he whispered taking me in his arms catching me off guard. “It’s ok,” I whispered enjoying being in his arms minus the strong stench of alcohol radiating off of him.

“Do you want some water?” I asked as he pulled away, going straight to my bed kicking off his shoes before laying down. “Nope, I just wanna lay wit you and talk. I don’t want to be alone tonight," he said as his gaze held mine.

"Why do you want to be here?" I whispered softly as Jey smiled at me."I sleep better when I’m wit you,” he said as I rolled my eyes but deep down it made my heart flutter.

“How you got that lil attitude with me a little while ago I should make yo ass go to your own room,” I said as he looked at me with a pout.

“Come on, I said I was sorry Shantell; it won’t happen again;” he said beckoning me with his finger licking his lips. Fuck he’s sexy and the problem is he knows it.

“I know yo ass better not throw up on me,” I said scrunching up my face is disgust at the thought. “Nah, I can hold my shit, I don’t throw up,” Jey said as he sat up and took off his shirt.

Whoa! What you doin’ Magic Mike?” I asked blushing looking at his beautiful chest and tattoos. “I’m getting ready for bed, you comin’ over here, or do I need to come get you,” Jey said without missing a beat now unbuckling his pants. His cockiness sending a shiver down my spine.

“Well Mr. I can hold my shit, you need take a shower first if you plan on layin’ in my bed because you stank," I said as he raised an eyebrow at me.

“Oh it’s like dat?" he asked smirking at me, getting outta of bed.

“Yeah, it is, and brush your teeth there’s an extra toothbrush in the bathroom,” I said as he licked his lips.

“You tryin’ to get me all clean, you must tryin’ to take advantage of me,” Jey whispered invading my space as tried to calm my nerves. “Jey go take a shower,” I whispered as I felt his hands wrap around my waist.

“You know what I realized when we were on that trip? Jey asked as I looked at him intently. “What did you realize?” I asked as he pulled me closer.

It was almost like he was having an internal war with himself. “Nothin’ I’ll tell you when the time is right,’ Jey whispered his lips almost grazing my mine as I involuntarily moaned, turning my head before our lips met as his soft lips met my cheek.

“Jey we can’t,” I whispered pulling away as he nodded in agreement. “I know, and I’m sorry I even put you in this type of situation,” Jey said running his fingers through his hair before retreating to the bathroom to shower.

I released the breath I was holding looking at the bathroom door in relief. Yeah, that's definitely the alcohol talking. I knew tonight was going to be a long night for me, but I welcomed it because he was here and he safe.

-------

Monday Night Raw

United Arena, Chicago, IL

Jey’s POV

“Jey it’s fine, stop apologizing, I’m not mad,” Shantell said trying to set up the show monitors as I watched her.

“I just want to make sure I treated you with the upmost respect. I know how I can get when I drink,” I said honestly as she stopped working to look at me.

“What’s the last thing the remember from last night,” she asked as I thought long and hard. “The last thing I remember is you letting me into your room and the rest is a straight blur,” I said trying to rack my brain trying to figure out what happened.

I saw Shantell lower her head and I felt bad instantly and I didn’t even know what I did wrong.

“Did anything happen?” I asked almost scared of the answer as she smiled softly at me. “No, you were a perfect gentleman, so rest easy,” she said rubbing my shoulder.

Shantell’s POV

He didn’t remember that he almost kissed me, I guess that was a good thing even though it stung a little. “I’m glad I behaved; I normally get horny as fuck when I drink,” Jey said as I blushed, playfully hitting his shoulder. “I can’t believe you just said that,” I said laughing as he smiled at me brightly as his phone rang.

“Damn she won’t stop calling. Her lawyer recommended marriage counseling before we make a decision, but I want this divorce,” Jey said looking at me in search of advice and understanding. It’s crazy how in sync we are, it’s almost scary.

“Hey, maybe ya’ll can work it out. Just keep your guard up,” I said rubbing my side. Ok, this pain is getting on my nerves. “Ow, that hurt,” I winced rubbing my side as Jey rubbed my shoulder.

“You alright?” Jey asked as I phone rang again. “Yea, I’m good. You take your call, I got to finish helping the crew get set up for tonight,” I said giving him a quick hug before walking away.

“Candy why you keep calling back to back? I know how to return a call when I ain’t busy. You know I’m at work,” I heard Jey say as I shook my head. I pray he can walk away from that chaos.

Jey’s POV

“Jey we both agreed to counseling, please just come to a session,” Candy begged as I tried to keep my cool as my lawyer suggested.

“I will let you know when I’m off so we can maybe do a session, but my answer is still the same Candy. I want a divorce,” I said honestly as I saw Shantell helping with the set.

“I just want to make this work, I think we can get back on track,” Candy said as I tried to focus on her what she was saying but Shantell didn’t look right to me. Something was wrong.

“Aye, I’ll call you back later or my lawyer will hit you up,” I said hanging up before she could respond. The closer I got to Shantell the more I knew I was right. “Hey, you a’ight,” Shantell?” I asked as I seen her eyes began to roll back in her head. “Aye! Somebody help,” I yelled catching her in my arms, placing her gently on the floor.

“Hey, wake up Shantell,” I encouraged truly scared as Stu kneeled beside me. “Somebody call 911 and go get doc!” Stu yelled checking Shantell’s pulse. “She’s breathing, thank god,” he whispered as I stroked her hair gently.

“Come on Shantell wake up now, you scaring me,” I whispered as I heard her moan in pain slowly coming to, grabbing her stomach.

Shantell’s POV

This pain has gotten worse, and I can’t hide it anymore. “You ok Shantell, you scared us baby,” Jey said as I tried to get up.

Did he just call me baby? Get it together Shantell, you just scared the shit outta the man. “I’m ok, just help me get up,” I whispered grabbing my side.

“No, you ain’t ok, now don’t move,” Jey said as the pain became more intense. I tried to control my tears, but the pain was too much.

“It hurts so bad Josh,” I finally cried as he held me in his arms. “Hang on, help is coming. Shan” he said trying to remain strong, but I could tell he was scared.

“What the hell happened?” Joe said running up as I balled up in a ball in Jey’s lap trying any way I could to try to ease the pain. “She passed out and scared the fuck outta me. Now she’s complaining of pain,” Jey said holding me close as Joe pulled out his phone.

“Don’t you dare!” I screamed as Joe shook his head in defiance. I knew who he was about to call.

“No! I’m calling your mama, and your ass is going to the hospital, “Joe said leaving no room for argument. “Shantell, how long have you been hurting?” Mike asked as I looked at him afraid.

“Come on Shantell tell me sweetie,” he encouraged as another pain hit.

“It’s been off and on for about two weeks I guess,” I groaned as Joe frowned at me. “What the hell you mean two weeks!? Really Shan two weeks,” Joes scolded as I groaned in pain.

“Aye! Uce, she hurtin’, and I know you worried but doin' this ain’t helpin’,” Jey said stopping Joe’s rant.

“I’m gon' step over here and call your mom, I'll be back in a second,” Joe said walking away as I tried to hold it together.

“Joe’s mad at me,” I cried as Jey shushed me. “His ass will be ok, he’s just worried about you. We all worried about you," Jey said holding me tight now he said as the EMTs finally arrived.

Joe’s POV

“Hey, Joey how are you?” Tanya said as I smiled in spite of the situation. “Hey ma, I’m good. I hate to call you like you but Shantell is sick and before you freak out she seems fine, just havin’ some pain. The EMTs are trying to get her ready to transport her to the hospital,” I said trying to calm her down before she got upset.

“What hospital are they taking her to, I’m about to book a flight to Chicago,” Tanya said as I saw the EMT’s now putting Shantell on a stretcher as Jey came over to me. “What hospital?” I asked as Jey seemed to be focused on Shantell.

“They takin’ her to Mercy General,” he said as I relayed the message to Tanya. “Joe take care of my baby, I’m on my way,” Tanya said as l released the breath I was holding

“I got her ma, I’ll see you when you get here,” I said falling in line with Jey walking with EMT’s to the ambulance.

“We can allow one rider to come on board. Does she have anyone to ride with her?” the EMT said as Jey, and I looked at each other. “I’m goin’ wit her," Jey said patting me on the shoulder before I could even get my words together. The ambulance doors slammed shut as Jey climbed in and sat beside shantell, grasping her hand to reassure her he was there.

The sirens blaring made me scared to even think about what was going on in the inside of that ambulance but I hoped Shantell would be ok.

---------

Mercy General Hospital, Chicago, IL

Shantell’s POV

“It’s a good thing you came in Shantell. The problem isn’t appendicitis, it’s your ovaries. Now your right ovary is in horrible condition, and you have adhesions all over your pelvic wall,” the doctor said showing the results.

“How does this work? I mean what happens to the ovary?” I asked as the doctor. touched my knee in support. “It’s badly damaged, we need to remove it,” he said as felt the tears coming.

“How can you do that, I mean how will I be able to have children?” I asked wiping my tears. “I’m going to be honest with you. It’s going to be very hard for you to have children due to the damage, but I feel we will know more after we get in there,” he said as I nodded not wanting to hear anymore.

I’m damaged, and I probably will never be a mom. “I know it’s a lot, but I promise I will take of you Shantell. We need to move fast;” he said as the nurse came in to administer the medication to get me comfortable before they take me to the OR.

I saw Jey a few steps behind coming to take a seat beside my bed as I tried and miserably failed to keep my tears at bay.

"Are you ok beautiful?" Jey asked as I shook my head yes, wiping the few tears that had escaped.

“You sure you, ok?” Jey asked again, holding my hand as I’m trying to hold it together.

“Well, I’m trying, it’s not every day you’re at work, collapse, and they tell you they need to do emergency surgery to take out one of your ovaries,” I say as Jey leans over wiping my tears away.

“You gon’ be ok,” he reassures me with a smile. His wife is a lucky woman, I hope they work it out their issues. I just appreciate how much of a great friend he’s been to me. He even rode in the ambulance with me here.

“I’m going to be damaged; the doctor says having kids is going to be hard for me,” I say trying to keep my tears at bay.

“You ain’t gon’ be damaged, you everything Shan. A man would be lucky to have you, I mean you could adopt. You can do the thing where you let somebody carry the baby for you,” he says fumbling a little over his words.

“Well, I’m glad your positive about this,” I say throwing him a small smile. “A few of my family members are adopted, and we love them just the same, they blood, “he whispers kissing my hand.

“You’re so nice to me,” I say feeling the drugs taking effect, trying to force my eyes to stay open. “You stuck wit me too, yo' ass is in the family now. He says staring at me smiling lightly. “Just sleep, everybody will be here when you wake up baby,” Jey says as I finally let sleep take over.

-------

Mercy General Hospital, Chicago, IL

Tanya’s POV

“You really know how to do it up big don’t you. Your last show being an intern for these folks, and you fall yo ass out, on the job,” I said trying to lighten the mood as Shantell shifted in bed trying to get comfortable.

“Oh, you really funny,” Shantell whispered as Joe tried to feed her some Jello. “Joe, I ain’t had no food in almost twelve hours. I’m hungry ya’ll, this ain’t cool,” she whined as Joe snickered. She slowly chewed the jello he placed in her mouth frowning as Joe shook his head at her antics.

“I sent Jey at you some soup from a deli I saw down the street, so just be patient,” Joe said leaning over, gently kissing Shantell on the forehead as she sighed.

Oh, my goodness, they would be such a cute couple, but Shantell keeps stressing to me they are just friends. I could totally see him being my son-in-law.

“I’m back with the soup ya’ll,” Jey said coming in as Shantell smiled brightly. Now wait a damn minute now….Is she smiling about the food or is she smiling because he’s back?

I didn’t have to wait long for my answer as Joe moved, and Jey took his spot.

“I got you some chicken noodle soup,” Jey said taking the lid of the soup as I looked at my daughter in awe. “Thank you,” Shantell whispered as he began to feed her. The way they interact wit each other ain't fooling me one damn bit.

Oh, yeah miss thing we gon talk about this one when we get home. It seems I have missed a whole new development.

My baby was in love with Joe’s cousin Jey, and if my mind ain’t playin’ tricks on me he looks just as smitten with her.

What the hell is going on?

Taglist: @reci24 @southerngirl41 @vebner37 @jeyusos-girl

@melaninsugababy @romanreignkisser @bebesobrielo

@arination99 @2-muchsauce @bakugoumarianawrites

@empressdede @alyyaanna @christinabae @anonandwannakeepitthatway @venusesworld

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eddiemunson-reader-shame · 4 months ago

Text

A Freak and a Basket Case: Chapter Two: Made in Heaven

From the Delulu Writer: You’re going to realize that I don’t write short fics. This was straight from Google Docs mobile. I don’t know how long this is, so fuck it we ball. I’m hoping the generous Eddie POV helps break this aversion to longer fics.

Warnings: Flight of Icarus spoilers, references to drug use, minor suicide mention.

[Masterlist] - Chapter One - Chapter Two (You are Here) - [Latest]

***

The ’85-’86 academic year had to be his year.

It had to be.

It was his last shot. The last hoorah. He had just barely made the cutoff age for the academic year, and it was a miracle in itself that Principal Higgins had a modicum of decency to give him a break and let him even try to attend school again. He would be cutting it too close for comfort, and during the summer Eddie Munson had promised his uncle that he would get his head out of his ass this time around. No more screw ups. No more bullshit scams.

That promise was made in summer, when he was still able to sleep in, hotbox the feelings of shame and guilt away in his van, and gorge on junk food during unholy hours of the early morning before passing out until noon.

Now that he was being jolted awake by both the shrill sound of the radio alarm, and his uncle was kicking his mattress to wake him up at four thirty in the morning before he’d even gotten a good chance at sleep, Eddie was ready to throw in the fucking towel. Bitter thoughts swarmed in his mind.

Fuck it. Kick me out of school. See if I give two shits.

He was at the point where he was forgetting what was important. Last year was a year of losses. Almost losing the Hellfire Club to bullshit blackmail orchestrated by a sadistic son of a bitch of a principal that he did not fully trust. Ronnie had at least reached out via letter after a time, and she sent a few clipped sentences written with an electric typewriter all the way from New York whenever she had enough money left over from dorm expenses to buy postage stamps. But Dougie had gone nuclear. Never quite forgiving his friend for what he had almost undone.

And then there was Paige…

Eddie had been thinking of that mess nonstop the first day back for some reason, running late stuck behind a green Dodge with wood paneling while also battling the commuters during the clusterfuck that constituted rush hour in Hawkins, Indiana. He didn’t know why he was in such a hurry when that morning he’d been ready to give up all over again. Emotions were running high and low, he felt like he was trapped on a broken-down roller coaster falling apart on a shoddy side of the road carnival. Wanting to jump off, throw up, scream, and cry all at once as the reality of everything set in.

Eddie Munson had fucked everything up. Once in a lifetime opportunities lost to the ages in the year of 1984.

’86 had to be his year. Otherwise, he had nothing else left.

He was on his way to his locker when a string bean of a freshman wearing khakis and a button down polo from the GAP slammed into him from behind. Eddie immediately turned around to catch him before he hit the ground, asking the dazed boy if he was okay, confirming it was so, then looking towards the source. He assumed it was a jock, it always was, but he saw no suspicious hunter green letterman jackets lurking in the throng of students looking to get to their classes.

And then there was the gaggle of girls laughing and pointing, but he couldn’t see the object of their teasing because once he came within five feet of their gaggle they saw Eddie the Freak and bolted. So far the first day back was shaping up to be one of those weird days, whispers abound of some bitch of a basket case wandering around dressed for a cold front in August.

For obvious reasons, Eddie was intrigued. A bitch of a basket case was new. Especially ones wearing winter coats in summer when the humidity drowned you before the heat got to you. He doubted there was any merit to the rumors truth be told, but he had to see it for himself. He searched high and low, ditching his first period class to see if he could catch a glimpse. And then like an answer to his prayers he heard a siren call:

Metallica on cassette. Kill ‘Em All Album. Side 1. Approximately thirty nine minutes and six seconds into the album. Track number nine. Seek and Destroy.

Blasting so goddamned loud that from his distance it sounded faint, but he knew that whoever was listening to it directly would be deaf before their twenty-first birthday.

He saw you beelining for the front door, and instantly Eddie was fascinated by you. Sure enough you were all bundled up in your quilted Carhartt jacket like a blue collar worker braving a blizzard, gray skirt swishing as you power walked down the hall. The music beckoned to him, and the Black Sabbath patch on your blue backpack encouraged him to follow. Despite the stormy look on your face and the fuck off aura radiating from you, Eddie couldn’t help but allow the admiration to take over. He wasn’t intimidated, he wasn’t repulsed by your demeanor or appearance. Quite the contrary, Eddie could see something in the way your body communicated to the world:

You were a lost, pathetic little lamb trying to butt heads with everyone and everything, unaware that the world was fanged and scary and could spit you out in a malformed bolus should it desire.

And yet you still kept trying to fight back.

It was as if his body was moving of his own accord. His heart knew before his brain could logically process what was happening. A compulsion, his inner wild child, sent signals to his feet to quicken his pace as he raced after you, adrenaline coursing through him as he heard nothing but the steady pace of your gait matching the pulse of Seek and Destroy. Eddie didn’t stop until he was so close he was breathing in your scent, and in a sudden burst of confidence, both hands flashed out and snatched you by the backpack straps, pulling you in until you were flush against him. He yanked off your headphones, getting in close until his lips were grazing the shell of your ear.

“You’ve got bitchin’ taste in music there, princess. Metallica, right?”

Your scream cut off the last bit, and he held onto you like he was holding a wild stallion steady as you jumped nearly ten feet in the air. You were still pressed with your backpack to his chest, your own little chest heaving with fear.

“FUCK ME FREDDY!” You hollered. “You scared the shit out of me!”

Eddie laughed hard as he spun you around to face him, hands steadying your shoulders as he looked you in the eye with a large smile on his face.

“Sorry, sorry… Relax. Didn’t mean to scare you there. But hey, at least that got your attention, right?”

You hit the pause button on your Walkman and killed the music, looking up with a stormy and defiant expression. Eddie realized something when you looked at him: you had been hiding behind fear. Your eyes, minimized by the thick coke bottle lenses within the frames of your glasses, began to soften when you looked at him. He could see the tightly wound tension leave your body as you relaxed. Your facade was slipping. Before him was an individual army crawling through hell to survive.

“You uh… you heard my music huh?” you said quietly.

Eddie grinned, nodding enthusiastically.

“Oh yeah. From all the way down the hall. You like Metallica?” he asked.

“Uh huh…”

Eddie grinned at the shy answer. God… You were adorable.

“Hell yeah, good taste. Metallica is one of my favorites too.”

He noticed you weren’t much for eye contact. As much as he tried to meet your gaze you wouldn’t look right at him. It seemed as if you were closing yourself off from everyone, a purposeful and calculated act. Understandable if he was being honest. Your eyes were red rimmed and your nose was still dripping a little bit. The morning must not have been kind. For a moment he saw your vulnerability, and it endeared him to you.

“I’m Eddie, by the way.” he said gently, holding out his hand.

“Eddie?” You cocked your head to the side, sweet little face looking up at him as if expecting a trick.

“Yup.” he popped the consonant at the end, and he tried to give you a sweet disarming smile to show his sincerity, “That’s me, Eddie Munson.”

Gently, slowly, he felt your warm hand envelop his. He shook it just enough; not too firm of a handshake that he scared you off, but not so weak that it seemed he didn’t want to touch you. Because if the way his heart was racing at the feel of your warm palm against his was any indication, he very much did want to touch you, and he wanted to make sure you knew it.

A few seconds ticked by, and you finally told him your name after letting go of his hand. He noticed at first that you seemed to try saying something else, but you quickly corrected yourself. Eddie repeated your name slowly. It suited you. Very lovely. Silence for a beat, and then you gulped and spoke up to end the silence.

“My favorite person in the whole wide world is an Eddie…” you mumbled softly.

“Yeah? Who’s this other Eddie?” He raised an eyebrow, dimples showing with the big cheeser he had on his face as he noticed you still weren’t letting go of his hand.

“Eddie V-… Eddie Van Halen…” you stammered.

Eddie’s heart nearly stopped.

“No way, are you shitting me right now?” he demanded.

You shook your head.

“No… I’ve seen him live… he’s… he’s really cool.”

Inhale through the nose, hold for five seconds, exhale through the mouth so he didn’t start having a heart attack.

“How the hell did you end up going to one of those concerts?” He managed

“… my dad. Last year... He took me for an early birthday present…”

So you’ve got good taste in music, and you have a dad that takes you to concerts like Van Halen as an early birthday present…

“They were pit side. I got one of the shirts at my house.”

God dammit… No. There’s no way. There’s no way in the hell that you’re real…

“Which concert was it?” He croaks tentatively.

“The 1984 Tour… I saw them and Autograph play… in Albuquerque.”

He had to stop you right there.

“Okay wait hold on, your dad seriously took you out of Indiana all the way into the middle of nowhere in New Mexico just to see Van Halen for your birthday?! Where in hell do you even live where that seems like a feasible option?! That’s a twelve hour drive at least!”

“I used to live in New Mexico.” You said softly. “I’m not from here…”

Yeah, yeah of course you weren’t from Hawkins. There was no way in shit someone as cool as you, someone who had been pit side to Van fucking Halen, could be from Indiana. It almost gave him flashbacks to shades of his ex, and he nearly wanted to pull away from the conversation. Yet you were so sweet, so different, and he knew if he let you just become a random anecdote in the annals of time, Eddie would have thrown up for weeks and then jumped into traffic if he saw you being poached by someone else.

He pressed on. Heart racing and trying to maintain so that he didn’t spook you.

“Could have fooled me, you don’t have the accent for it.” Eddie said, leaning up against one of the tan lockers.

You hesitated and bit your lower lip, nodding and rocking side to side on your feet as you began to pluck at the loose threads of your jacket.

“… people here don’t like to hear it. So I cover it up…” you said.

“Good idea. Because honestly, it’s not worth the trouble… You’re in Hicksville now. Hawkins isn’t the first narrow minded white bread town, and it’s not going to be the last. Especially if you don’t fit in with their good ol’ boys club mold. Hell, I don’t even fit in it. I’m the biggest target for these bigoted assholes with my reputation. I don’t doubt you’ll get the same amount of bullshit I do.”

“You…?” You blinked, confusion written on your face, “Why would anyone make fun of you?”

Harsh laughter erupted from his throat, and he was so consumed by the absurdity of your question that he didn’t notice you flinch back. As if he was being crucified, Eddie held out his arms dramatically wide, his battle vest opening up to show off his Led Zeppelin baseball tee with a couple of holes in the fabric where the rivets on his jeans had been rubbing against them.

“Take a good look at The Freak of Hawkins High sugarplum. I’m a long haired satan worshiping metalhead cult leader. I play shitty Pantera and Slayer covers in a dive bar every week. I deal drugs to the preppy kids that have more money than sense. I lure innocents in to play my little satanic Dungeons and Dragons games, and then I hotbox it in my van afterwards with them. I’m a Munson, furthest thing from a good little schoolboy. No, no, we Munsons drop out of high school and go to jail young, and probably die young too.”

He went on and on, the word vomit not stopping. If he was going to be honest with himself, he knew this potential thing you two had was dead on arrival from the moment you opened your mouth and started talking about Van Halen. You were way out of his league, even by metalhead standards. From what he gathered, you had deep pockets, or at least your dad did if he was able to take you to shit like Van Halen concerts, something Eddie could only dream of. Everything about this was scary. It was scary and horrifying and the only thing he could think of doing was self sabotaging before he got too attached to you.

And then you frowned, still looking at the floor, until you spoke up, looking him directly in his eyes.

“That doesn’t make no sense… Sounds like a bunch of horseshit to me.” You said simply.

He watched it all happen so suddenly and he couldn’t look away. His large brown eyes widening and his heart turning cartwheels in his chest when he saw the little twinkles of light, the little pinpricks of stars beginning to glimmer in your eyes as you held direct eye contact with him. It wasn’t just that you were cute, because Jesus H. Christ you were the cutest thing he’d ever seen in his life. There were other things he’d never seen on anyone he’d dated: honest to god romance novel pining on your face, your soft lips parting slightly as if you wanted to speak but had lost the words. Your body moved in closer to him, and his own reciprocated purely on instinct, inviting you into his space.

Magnetism.

“None of it makes any sense does it?” He said, voice so low you had to lean further in to hear him, “But this is Hawkins. Judgemental jackanapes abound and people like you and me are lambasted for the crime of being different. Double for you I’m guessing, since you’re the new Hispanic kid in town.”

You nodded, looking hopefully at him.

“Let me guess, you had an easier time fitting in when you were in New Mexico, right?” He asked.

There was a brief hesitation as you gathered your thoughts.

“… Kind of. Maybe not towards the end, but there’s a lot of guys into heavy metal and leather and stuff. A lot of my tios- my uncles- are rockers. My brother likes it too.”

“Older or younger brother?” He asked.

“Older…”

“He get you into metal?” He grinned.

“Yeah.” You said, nodding, “He started me on Black Sabbath and Ozzy, my favorites other than Van Halen. My dad was the one who showed me Van Halen… oh, and Dio…”

“Rad… your dad and your brother got you set up with the best of the best. You have some of the most badass taste in music in all of Hawkins right now.” Eddie praised, and he’d wished he had complimented you sooner, because now that he saw you smile and giggle at his compliments he couldn’t get enough, “… and that’s a hell of a smile you’ve got there sweetheart. And a pretty laugh to match.”

“Quit it…” you giggled.

“Hell no, you can’t just tell me to quit it the second I give you a compliment. Gotta take the compliments where you get them.”

There was that smile, that goddamned cute giggle. The reaction he wanted. You covered up your mouth as you began to uncontrollably laugh, as if you’d taken a fat hit of reefer and had the permanent giggles. He loved people like you, who acted high and giggly without any external help. But he didn’t like how you were trying to hide those teeth from him. He wanted to see it. Wanted to see your smile and bask in the good feeling it gave him.

“Ah ah, none of that!” He scolded, holding up a finger, “You quit hiding that pretty face from me. What? You don’t want me to see it?”

“Nuh uh!” You giggled.

A devilish grin came over Eddie’s face.

“You gonna make me get forceful, sweetheart?”

“Noooooo…!” You whined, laughing harder as you shook your head quickly.

“Cut it out then. Put that damn hand down, lemme see that pretty face.”

Eddie began to wrestle your hand away from your face as you squealed in delight, shrinking in on yourself as he let out a mad giggle. He was enjoying this, enjoying the feeling of touching you and not having his face slapped or being punched in the stomach. You welcomed his touch, almost craved it, flying into a fit of hysterical laughter when he played dirty and grabbed your sides, tickling your soft plump abdomen so that you were forced to move your hands away from your face to shield your belly.

At the end of it, Eddie was breathless with laughter, holding your sides and swaying with you. Coming down from your fun, he saw your smile for the first time. No pearly whites. He could see the flaws and imperfect teeth as you smiled ear to ear.

Real recognizes real…

You are very much real. Very much so. You’re warm and soft and real underneath his fingertips.

“Princess,” he breaths.

You cock your head, swaying side to side and your grin never leaves your face.

“There we go.” He says softly, stroking your sides, “There’s that beautiful smile. See? Much better when you’re not hiding it behind your hands.”

Your eyes sparkled, starry eyes…

He’d only ever seen hungry eyes before. Only ever been desired like one desired a succulent steak or a rich slice of cake. Last year felt like he was giving up so many vital aspects of himself that he almost felt like an imposter when he kept trying to have a better year, a shot at a better life. Everyone had taken from him last year, gnawing at the bones of his corpse until there was nothing left.

Paige looked at me like she wanted to eat me…

But you…

You look at Eddie Munson as if you are awestruck by him, and as shocking as the feeling is, it makes him feel beautiful for a split second. He feels important. He feels valued, like he’s been the epitome of good alignment his whole life and the chaotic parts don’t matter. You look at him like you’re seeing a mythical hero. As if your village was burning to the ground all around you and he’d just come in the nick of time, clad in mithril armor, immune to the flames and devastation and ready to swoop you up to your feet.

But that defiance when you first faced him, the fire in you, it’s a strength, it’s a power he is drawn to. Realistically he knows if he were to swoop in it wouldn’t be to save you, it would be to help you pick up your own sword and fight alongside him.

He wanted that. He wanted someone to fight life’s battles alongside him.

He wanted that someone to be you.

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things x reader #stranger things flight of Icarus #Paige Warner #Ronnie Ecker #Ronnie my beloved #soon #patience my love #slow burn #stranger things fanfiction

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requincouche · 3 months ago

Note

What's your favorite season of the year?

Spring !!

I love Spring... My body hates spring, due to all the pollen and dust in the air, but I love spring ^^. It is so pretty to see the nature come back to life after months of grey-brown inactivity. Winters aren't cold, where I live, though they're still cold enough where it gets kinda annoying and you wish for warmth.

Though, the good thing is that this year I finally got annoyed enough about hay-fever that I did several visits to my GP to ask for other medication, and be insistent that I get something which actually works even if it's expensive for me to buy. I used to get cetirizine and loratidine prescribed, whichever the doctor preferred... Although these are cheap, but neither of these did much for me xD. Maybe it'd take the edge off, I really can't tell cus hay-fever is such an all-or-nothing ailment for me. Either I'm using 100 tissues per day, or I'm using 1. So I got bilastine, which initially did nothing much either.. but doc said I can take up to 4 pills of it per day xD. So now I take 3 if it's really bad (primarily in late May, and early June) and 1 or 2 if it's milder (July, August, September).

Hm. sorry for this personal excursion... I don't like sharing really personal-personal details about myself, especially when it's medical stuff... Though I find my rampant allergies for the things that I love so much kinda funny ^^. xD my previous GP insisted on testing for which things I'm allergic. I told him that it's just grasses and trees and it doesn't really matter for the outcome (= me taking a pill to stop dying during the day). But he was concerned that I'd get allergic as well to other stuff like cats, dogs, house-dust, peanuts, shell-fish and that can be really dangerous if it develops further. Hm so I said sure go ahead, but please not one of those skin-allergy tests where they poke the skin on your back with a whole bunch of allergens. Those are so awful xD. Alternatively, the test could be done from a blood sample. Yes, please do that, take a tube of my blood and test whatever you like. But the results from it were so inconclusive xD. I think the way they test this is by using an ELISA-like test where the blood is deposited into an array of allergens onto a plate or paper or whatever. But cus those allergen-spots are next to each other, if one of them is very very strong; its signal will leak into the surrounding ones. So the results were that I was allergic to 'everything', including things like peanuts and cats which I know I'm not allergic to. But yeah the spots for grass and trees were so strong that their signal leaked into all the other spots. Kinda useless test, if you think about it. But I refuse to do that skin-prick allergy test again. Makes me feel like there's a whole tree under my skin 😂, the itch from it is so intense

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divineerdrick · 3 months ago

Text

Homestuck: Beyond Canon Upd8 for August 25, 2024

I'm pretty sure this upd8'd yesterday, seeing as how I got a surprise spoiler in my YouTube feed. Looks like my prediction was off for this upd8. I'm wondering if I'll ever have a chance of getting one right. With that said though, I'm gonna do things differently. Before I get into the upd8, let's talk about Vriska's relationship with Doc Scratch.

So Scratch, by his own admission, used Vriska. He did so quite coldly, brutally, and all while constantly demeaning her (as all of Caliborn's iterations are want to do to women they encounter).

All of that said, we don't actually see much interaction between Doc Scratch and Vriska. Most of it occurred via backstory. Our first interaction between them, and our introduction to Scratch himself, occurs shortly after she's introduced. This is the last time he speaks to her, and is possibly his most harmless conversation in the story. If anything, despite repeatedly insulting her, Scratch's motivation here seems almost like a pep talk. Vriska is ignoring Kanaya prior to speaking with Scratch, and is lamenting her horrible luck. But Scratch not only puts Vriska in a better mood to receive Kanaya's attention, but opens up the possibility to her that she could potentially control her luck (something Kanaya echoes). This is of course by no means benevolent. Scratch needs Vriska to fulfill her role in the session. How much his interaction affects this is hard to say, but he's depicted as a villain that manipulates through carefully timed and placed nudges. It's the reasons he's my favorite villain in Homestuck proper, and the greatest rebuke to any claim of Homestuck having shit writing.

The second conversation is much more meaningful. This one takes place via flashback as part of the cycle of revenge. Here, Scratch provokes Vriska into killing Aradia. This is probably going to be the plot point that is important for this upd8. As I said above, Scratch is depicted as a mastermind of subtle manipulation. This leaves a very real question for this conversation. If the reason Scratch is acting is to ensure that Caliborn's entry is as smooth as possible, does this mean there's a chance that Vriska wouldn't have killed Aradia without his interference? She certainly wouldn't have had such a clean shot at Tavros without his help. But even with the dominoes falling, is there a chance that Vriska might have done something different? Is there a chance, that as Aradia hoped, she might lament everything she'd done when faced by those she killed? How would things have changed? And, most importantly . . .

Does Vriska think there's a chance things might have gone differently?

The problem here is the same as before. Even if she could have done things differently, she didn't. Faced with a blatant, arrogant, and upfront manipulation, she still did what Scratch wanted her to do. She knew he wanted her to do it, and still did it. While the reason he contacted her might have been to erase any chance of her making a different decision, she still ultimately made the decision. She was young, emotionally vulnerable, distracted from potentially better outcomes, and in a culture where she'd probably be considered justified.

But she still killed Aradia.

She even had to go to great lengths to do it, and ended up doing so in an extremely cruel way. Then she did her best to put it out of her mind, often successfully, as we see with her confession to John.

Vriska needs to come to terms with this and forgive herself. Tavros and Aradia already have. She needs to accept that Scratch abused and manipulated her, just as Spidermom did, and forgive herself for the things she did because of it. Just as before, she owes him nothing. Their relationship was entirely one-sided, with her getting nothing of benefit and him getting everything he needed. The idea she ever "wronged" him by using the cue ball is ridiculous. The idea she owes any of her development as a hero to him is equally preposterous.

I feel she needs to find a way to walk away again.

Phew! That was a lot! With all that out of the way, let's actually get to this upd8!

We seem to be picking up just after our last session. No time reference of anything like that.

Oh wow! This is turning to quite the spite role-call! At least poor Gcatavrosprite doesn't seem to be sneezing as much. Gotta say, he looks quite silly though.

And here is our grumpiest of trolls, looking absolutely, fabulously, awesome! I hope as much as Erisolsprite laments their existence, they can at least take comfort in how amazing they look.

Vriska's still gonna rag on them, but we all know she's completely wrong there.

Oh! Much like how Karkat and Sollux could riff off each other, this dynamic seems to be working! Wonder if this has anything to do with Vriska's previous relationship with Eridan possibly synergizing with Sollux's penchant for demeaning himself.

Looks like Vriska has been trying to power through this, possibly only relaxing when she physically can't keep going. That definitely tracks. Hopefully she's learning to examine her habits and determine if they're actually good for her. There doesn't seem to be a pressing time limit, so she probably can just take a break and recoup.

Woops. There's the sneezing.

It seems like everyone's response to Tavros somehow having allergies while being both dead and a sprite was to just keep yelling, "Sprites don't get allergies!" until he started sneezing less. Also "VAST WILLPOWER" has echoes of Tavros boasting about his leg powered self-esteem.

And yeah, Vriska's not ready to cut herself some slack. She'll use any excuse to keep going and try to keep powering on.

Uh oh . . . Ominous Sprite is ominous. Looks like Scratch might be the next boss encounter, possibly as a followup to Momfang. Hope Vriska's build can stack bleed and rot.

Snrk. More human expressions not landing.

Uh oh . . . I sense a humbling on it's way . . .

Here we go . . .

Look at this smooth bastard. In a universe defined by the destruction of the Green Sun, he can't possibly have any real power here can he?

Also this piano refrain is genuinely creepy and haunting.

God he still offers candy!

His attempts at platitudes would almost feel genuine . . . if we didn't know they weren't made with full knowledge of the outcome and serve only to create an air of superiority.

Vriska's recovered well though. Hopefully everything will have paid off enough that she can stay on her game. I'm worried about our Sprite pair's appraisal of her readiness though.

Huh. Interesting goad here.

Oh . . . No point in posting it here as a still image, but Vriska is literally shaking. Her bravado seems to be falling apart, and I'm not sure why yet.

Shit just got next level. Regardless if this is the Plot Point doing it, or if Scratch is somehow here, he can still exert some genuinely threatening power.

And of course he wants to play a game . . .

And he just altered ours. Well shit. That certainly seems like some genuine power.

Ew.

FUCKING EW!!!

There's a reason I gave respect to the trigger warnings in the Epilogues!

With Momfang, I talked about how sometime a human victim of abuse can confront their abuser and find closure. The keyword there is "sometimes."

There is nothing Vriska can gain from a confrontation with Scratch, it just provides more opportunity for him to abuse her. He will never be sorry. Even if she had the power, she can't even make him sorry. He's dead and gone. His master is dead and gone. The only vengeance she can take has been taken. All that left is the revenge of the victor. She gets to live on, possibly even longer than he did, while he is a tattered puppet.

The question now is, how does she escape his power and abuse in this session?

She seems to logically know that she's won, that he shouldn't be able to hurt her. But there's a different between recognizing the nightmare and being able to wake up.

There's the shoe! This isn't even about Scratch. This is about backsliding, or rather the fear of it. This about working so hard only to have it all come tumbling down because you made a mistake in a moment of carelessness or weakness. I'm guessing this is also about the fear this redemption is fake, no more real than Gamzee's cult. That no matter how hard she tries, how much she does, even with seemingly all of eternity ahead of her, she will always be just a scared little kid that does awful things. That's a hard fear to overcome.

There's that notion about controlling her fortune. Man, Terezi could be a lot of help here. This version of Vriska might even be able to truly listen to her.

And here it is! I think this is another false dichotomy. As I said above, Scratch did manipulate and abuse her. But Vriska still did all those horrible things. Both things are true. Taking ownership of her deeds doesn't change what Scratch did. But she has to accept them as hers before she can move past them.

Acknowledging Vriska's ability is simply a fact. Her abilities are also part of the problem. She has done and could continue to do some real good if she mastered them. She could also wreak incredible havoc. And that's part of what she's afraid of.

Oh! That's a good question. Maybe that's something else Vriska has to figure out.

Vriska Serket completes her redemption arc! Then what? How does this change life for the people of the Candy Timeline? Does she just overthrow Jane and then try to help rebuild? Even after all of this, would she be capable of helping everyone make a better society? Does she push to have this side of the Universe escape the event horizon and return to the greater whole? Dirk is becoming every bit the manipulator Scratch was.

'Cause, you know, a part of him always was.

He's already taken victory from her once. Even after this, would she be able to face a fully ascended Dirk?

More and more I'm beginning to think that this really is just a humbling. While Vriska can't allow herself to give into all these fears I've mentioned, she also can't ignore them. She needs to acknowledge them and start preparing for them.

The sad truth is, Vriska Serket will fuck up again. Maybe not in the course of this narrative, but backslides are a part of life. And she could live for a very long time. She has to be ready for it.

Ouch. Yeah, I was afraid of this. No poignant epiphany. No triumphant last words. Just cold, harsh reality.

Next time bring a broom.

May not look like it, but there are eight A's in "AAAAAAMYGDALA."

Also, Scratch ended this session by moving her to ∞108. I'm not sure if 108 has any special meaning here. There's a Homestuck track from Toby Fox called 108 Stars of Destiny, which is a reference to Suikoden and Chinese literature. It's possible it marks the end of this arc. If we get two more chapters in September, 10/8 could be the next post after we finish this.

Have to wait and see. I'm still predicting Terezi for next chapter, and (Vriska) for the final chapter.

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capitalisticveins · 10 months ago

Text

EA Thoughts

Okay well to start off, Erik’s a cunt for that😭

I was finally starting to see Vega AS Vega and not some sadism demon that beats up little kids and makes people kidnap others, like DUDE THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS

WHERE THE F U C K DID HUSH COME FROM? WHY IS HE HERE???

VEGA HAS BEEN HERE SINCE 2020, HES THE 17th-18th CHARACTER INTRODUCED ON THE ROSTER AND WAS HERE SINCE THE FIRST HALLOWEEK

FUCKING HUSH JUMPS IN LAST AUGUST PUMPS OUT 3 AUDIOS AND THINKS HE CAN JUST MURK A CHARACTER AS COMPLEX AS VEGA??? AND GETS AWAY WITH IT??? NUH UH IF I CANT HAVE IMP VEGA LET ME LIVE WITH THIS OOONNNNEEEE

The way Warden ran away what’re they gonna do now😢 They know abt all the shit going on and that they have to stop the Sovereigns from escaping but they cant do it without him :(

Istg this audio was just to powerscale Hush. Vega is literally one of the most powerful characters when fully fed. He’s as old as Brachium, as morally gray as James, and stronger than William, but gets got by Hush??? This can’t be real😞

I didn’t even think I liked Vega that much until I had to get up walk around and take a break😭

Doc needs to reel him in he’s doing too much now

I mean, at least we get good news. We have somewhere to plop Doc, Hush, Warden, and Vega on the timeline, which is in January 2022, and we know the raid on Closeknit was successful since Scorpius wasn’t detected in the building. I just wonder if they found Sunshine yet😥

SORE LOW VEGA 🕊️🕊️🕊️

his ass aint seeing heaven

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted early access #redacted vega

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traineecryptid · 3 months ago

Text

NPSS Weibo Q&A (20240831) Part 8

This is a Q&A session held on Weibo. People will tag their questions with the hashtag #南派三叔藏海花在线答疑# (#NPSS Zang Hai Hua Online Q&A#) and NPSS will look through the tag to pick some to answer. The event started at 1500 hours on 2024 August 31st.

Folder with screenshots and big compilation google doc is here. Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Part 6 is here. Part 7 is here.

20240902

1233

Why do people say that Tianshou is angsty? #Web Drama Zang Hai Hua# #NPSS explains Tianshou# [Video]

1508

Q: I want to know if there are two forces of Tianshou, both good and bad sides respectively: Gate guarding Tianshou (good) and Lu God's Tianshou (bad).

A: You're a little smart.

1509

Q: Shu, if little Zhang Qiling was in a tomb one second and transmigrated into his Yucun self the next second with his feet in the same foot bath as Wu Xie’s, what would his first sentence be?

A: A demon!

1510

Q: I will watch Zang Hai Hua for you… Don’t stop answering, okay…

A: I’m still persevering.

1511

Q: A-Bing, did you know that Zang Hai Hua will stop updating for 3 days? Do you still want your Heat Index or not! (T/N: Heat Index is the ranking/ trending-ness of a drama.)

A: I’m not the boss. It’s not my decision to make!

1537

Q: Hello, Xu-laoshi. Since you said that you won’t be writing “Yucun Biji” anymore (If there’s going to be 9 more Yucun Biji published, then you don’t have to read this post because Yucun Biji is my favorite out of the entire series), can I beg you for an Altay Biji? I wish to see the Iron Triangle’s nomadic life: Menyouping riding a motorcycle to Ürümqi to buy stuff (could also go from a summer ranch to some village). Wu Xie would be in charge of raising cats and dogs and chickens and goats and cows. Pangzi would be in charge of steaming lamb and barbecuing lamb chop. When they don’t want to herd the animals anymore, they can plant sunflowers. Wu Xie can use his architectural talents and build underground houses and learn a few Kazakh words…

A: I’ve been to Altay. The life there is like the original series and not Yucun.

1540

Q: Laoshi, Sir, Genius Writer, do you know how amazing the Flowery Night you wrote is? How did you do it? Are you Team Experience or Team Imagination? Has a beautiful god descended in the middle of the night and kissed the keyboard you wrote Flowery Night on?

A: Those who understand Flowery Night are experts.

1553 Q: I just took a nap and Shu got online. With the drama updates on hold for three days, will you chat with us for three days?

A: On and off, I guess. I’m deathly busy. I want to cry.

1554

Q: Sanshu, Sanshu, what is the one thing that Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi did that angered the other the most? Please tell me.

A: That would be enough for ten books.

1858

Q: Would there be one day where the Iron Triangle gets poisoned after eating some unknown mushrooms?

A: It would if Xiaoge isn’t around.

1858

Q: Shu, would there be updates for Queen’s Banquet? Approximately when would the updates start? Wu Xie is about to go moldy being stuck in that hole.

A: Soon. I need to pick a good desk.

1900

Q: Sanshu, Sanshu, does Wu Xie have any children appropriate de-stressing methods? The kind that can be broadcasted.

A: Standing in the rain?

20240903

0509

Q: The cat didn’t survive but if the cat did survive, would Xiaohua keep it? Or would he give it to Xiazi to raise?

A: Xiaohua wouldn’t interfere with the cat’s karma.

0510

Q: Shu, I really went to Louwailou to eat their West Lake Vinegar Fish during 817. The taste was unforgettable… The restaurant was full of Daomis. Do you have anything you would like to say to the Daomis who have been violently beaten up by the Vinegar Fish?

A: I’ve heard that every fish that was made into a Vinegar Fish has died in vain?

1259

Q: No updates for three days, you could say that this is a version of Three Days in Silence.

A: You sure know how to meme…

and here's part two if today's double update! we've caught up to 3rd September now! hooray! and this is 120 posts (less than 120 questions)... theres... an amount to go... but! whittling! making progress! yay!

#npss #dmbj #daomu biji

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cardierreh15 · 8 months ago

Text

Post Human

hey y'all, this one has been sitting in my drafts/docs for a while now and ive edited and changed and had it beta'd read 85 fucking times lol so I hope it lives up to some of yalls standards and enjoy it.

***I do not give anyone permission to repost or copy my work!!!

Warnings 18+: Cursing , Sexual Situations , Gore , Blood , Clickers & Stalker .

Pairings: August Walker x Roslyn(Black!Female Oc)

Special Guests: Ellie (Sister/Best Friend) , Joel (Father Figure)

Description: It's quite the special day for our beloved Roslyn so August gots something planned for her.

Word Count: 5.8K

Song (in order): Alligator Tears by Beyonce , Snooze By SZA

III

October 21st

Roslyn was standing in line at the mess hall. For once, she was able to just stand there without a yawn or a stretch. It was then that someone came up behind her and tapped her on her shoulder.

She whipped her head around to look at the individual. It was Ellie, with this goofy grin on her lips and a cupcake in her calloused hands. Then, it dawned on her.

‘Happy Birthday loser!’

Roslyn chuckled and rolled her eyes as she reached out and gave her sister a hug.

‘How many years have we known each other? You do this every year.’

She looked around to see if anyone had spotted them. And sure as the sunset in the west, the attention was on her.

‘Awww shit and you fight me on this every year. Just take the damn cupcake.’ Ellie practically shoved it in her hands.

Ros gave her an unapproved glare before chuckling, ‘You’re hard headed. That doesn’t seem to improve with each year but instead declines!’ She rolled her eyes and turned around in line, ‘Is this what you were up to this morning? Or were you sniffing under Dina’s skirt again?’

Ellie rolled her eyes and gave her shoulder a gentle nudge. ‘Yes, actually! Dina is just a friend. You’re jealous that she's taking up all our bonding time?’ she teased.

‘No. I don’t care.’

‘Oh, I know you don’t,’ Ellie leaned in and whispered. ‘You’ve been too busy mumbling about your own friend in your sleep.’

Roslyn’s eyes grew and she snapped her head over at Ellie.

‘What? Don't be so surprised Ron, I've told you before you talk in your sleep!'

She gave her a snarky smirk with a raised brow.

‘You’re such an ass,’ Roslyn chuckled and shook her head as the girls finally made it up to the counter to collect their breakfast.

Afterwards, they began to make their journey to their designated spot in the corner of the cafeteria. As soon as they sat down, Ellie didn’t hold back on the questions.

‘So! What happened after patrol?!’ she teased as she sprinkled some salt over her eggs.

‘Well, if you must know, nothing happened! We talked and went our separate ways.' She took a sip of her coffee and began to unwrap her breakfast burrito.

‘Really? That’s it?!’

‘That’s it,’ Roslyn repeated.

‘Hmmm. Well what do you think about him?'

Roslyn pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes, 'Ellie, I barely know him. He and his brother just got here a few weeks ago!'

Ellie broke off a piece of her burrito and placed it on her tongue, 'Well you know enough to be dreamin' about 'em.'

'Jesus Christ would you stop?!' Roslyn gritted through her teeth as she balled up a napkin and threw it at her face.

Ellie laughed and held her hands up in defense and ducked her head.

She wasn't going to let that shit go. Ever

Suddenly, the girls could hear familiar laughter across the cafeteria. Roslyn looked over to see August and Tommy walking through the double doors.

‘Aw shit. Speaking of the devil.’

Roslyn glanced over at Ellie who wore a smug look on her face.

‘You’re so annoying.’

Meanwhile, her heart was palpitating in her chest.

‘I know.’

The men looked over at the girls. August's glare was a bit longer and more intense than Tommy’s as he jerked his head up in a greeting.

You say move a mountain and i'll throw on my boots. You say stop the river from running, I'll build a dam or two. You say change religions now I spend Sundays with you. Something 'bout those tears of yours,

How does it feel to be adored?

Roslyn fought the grin that was threatening to curl on her lips. She had to hurry and look away before he caught it. She quickly looked down at her burrito to try to hide that smirk on her face.

‘Uh-oh! There it is!’ Ellie chuckled as she reached over and landed a few smacks on her arm. ‘You look so cute when you’re in love!’ she mocked.

Her head snapped up at her sister and threw the balled up napkin at her face.

‘You talkin’ casanova?’

Ellie laughed and raised her hands in surrender, ‘Nope! Look Roslyn, it’s okay to have a crush on someone. Hell, you used to be infatuated with what’s his name!’ she snapped her fingers together as she thought.

‘You mean Chad?’ A snarl curled up on her lips before she took her first bite into her burrito.

‘Yeah! And now look at ya! Moved on to bigger… and better things! That bigger was just literal.’

Roslyn chuckled for a second before their names were called.

‘Ros! Ellie!’ Tommy called out towards them.

‘Tommy!’ Ellie called out before Roslyn turned to look over her shoulder.

Both of the men were walking towards them.

‘Sup Tommy!’ Roslyn smiled softly before she stood up to hug her uncle.

‘Happy Birthday, kiddo!’ he said as he embraced her in a tight hug and kissed her head.

‘Thanks,’ she grinned and looked over at August who stood next to Tommy. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey,’ he said with a small smile.

‘Aye, y’all mind if we joined y’all for breakfast this mornin’?’

A lump grew in Roslyn’s throat. ‘Hmm?’ was all she could hum out.

‘Of course!’ Ellie grinned cunningly.

Roslyn snapped her head over at Ellie, ‘Th-they can?’ her eyes were pleading for her to give this shit up.

‘Of course they can! It’s just breakfast, Roslyn,' she teased.

Roslyn glared at Ellie with great loathe.

A smile cracked up on her lips and she spoke through her teeth, ‘Sure… y’all can sit with us!’

***

Their morning consisted of hearty laughter and storytelling.

Roslyn didn’t know why she was so adamant at first. But it felt good to share a good laugh with the people she loved. Even August.

The four of them walked outside together, all in fits of giggles. Tommy then looked down at Roslyn.

‘Come by the house later on! Me and Maria got sumn waitin’ on ya. Ellie, be safe on patrol today!’ he said, turning away.

‘I’ll be there!’ Roslyn smiled.

‘You got it, Tommy!’ Ellie added and then turned to look at Roslyn. ‘I gotta go. I’ll be back in a few hours.’

She balled up her fist for Roslyn to pound it.

‘Be safe. Love ya.’ She gave Ellie a pound on her fist and they leaned in to give one another a kiss on the cheek.

‘See ya later, August!’ and with that, she headed off to the stables.

The pair stood there in silence for a moment before August decided to initiate the conversation, ‘I didn’t know your birthday was today. Sorry, I didn’t bring a gift for you.’

Roslyn looked ahead and smiled softly, ‘yeah. I really don’t like to celebrate it. It’s just another day for me.’

‘Well you should! There's like a one in a million chance of you being here so…’

‘Technically the statistic is one in 400 million…’

‘Yeah but as you can tell, humans are a limited edition nowadays,’ he chuckled.

She giggled and nodded, ‘You’re right about that.’

‘Anyway though, you should celebrate it like it’s your last. Tomorrow is never promised y’know?’

Roslyn rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips, ‘I’m starting to believe you and Ellie knew each other in a past life or something.’

They both shared a small chuckle before she spoke up again, ‘I’ll try to take that advice. No promises though.’

She turned away to walk but he instantly followed.

‘At least you’d try. So, um… you have any plans today?’

‘Nope.’

‘Oh. Do they throw parties?’

‘Mmmm,’ she looked up in thought. ‘Sometimes. They do that for you guys back in Washington?’

August pressed his lips together as he shoved his hands in his pockets, ‘sometimes. More like a small gathering kind of thing.’ He smirked as he looked over at her.

‘Oh. Cool,’ she gave him a friendly yet small grin this time before she walked up the steps to the library.

Suddenly, a beeping captured August’s attention. He looked down at his watch. 9:30am.

‘Damn,’ he cursed and looked up at Roslyn. ‘Hey, I gotta—‘ he threw his thumb back, ‘head back. Gotta go give Mikey his medicine.’

Roslyn turned around and gave him an understanding nod, ‘of course! No worries, go take care of your brother!’

August licked his lips, ‘Will I see you later?’

‘Why wouldn’t you?’ she asked, her head fallin’ to the side as a smile quirked up on her lips.

A chuckle rumbled in August’s chest. ‘That’s what I like to hear.’

He shot her a wink and took a few steps back before spinning swiftly on his toes and walking back in the same direction they’d just come from.

With heated cheeks, Roslyn just watched him for a moment before letting out a deep, shaky breath and walked into the library.

***

Her day was as mundane and regular as she let it be. She did her best to keep herself busy. A few people wished her a happy birthday and thanked her for always being the best version of herself. But nothing out of the ordinary.

Except that was far-fetched of course. It was 7:43pm now and she was walking up the few steps of Maria’s cabin. She knocked on the door. They barely gave it a second before the door swung open.

‘Hey! Come in!’ Maria said with a cheeky grin curled up on her face.

She found that rather odd. Maria was a gorgeous woman but smiling was a rare thing for her simply because she had been through a lot.

‘Okay,’ Roslyn uttered as she walked through the threshold.

She began to unbutton her coat but Maria raised her hand, ‘aht! Don’t take that off, we’re going to the pub afterwards. I just wanna give you something.’

Then Maria disappeared upstairs.

Letting out a deep breath through her nose, she bit the inside of her cheek and zipped her coat right back up, shoveing her hands in the pockets as she stared at the pictures of Maria and Tommy on the wall.

Sometimes, it seems like Maria and Tommy just dealt with one another. It looked like it wasn’t really love but, in those photos… They looked head over heels.

Roslyn snapped her head over at Maria who came trotting down the steps with a small box wrapped in old newspaper in her hand.

‘What’s this?’ Roslyn asked with her eyes narrowed.

‘It’s a gift from Tommy. I just happened to give you my gift way too early,’ Maria giggled.

Roslyn rolled her eyes and shook the box next to her ear. She heard a small jingle on the inside.

‘What is it?’

‘Check it out,' Maria reassured as she walked over to the coat rack and threw on her own jacket.

‘Hmm,’ Roslyn hummed and tore the old newspaper off. Just a plain black box.

‘Alright,’ she sighed, before popping open the lid of the box.

On the inside of the box was a solid gold rope necklace.

‘What?!’ Roslyn laughed as she snatched the gold out of the box. ‘Holy shit!’ she continued to laugh hysterically.

‘A gold necklace?!’

Maria cackled as she zipped up her coat, ‘Yeah. Tommy told me a while ago about you wanting one. So, he and Joel damn near flipped the mall in the east upside down until they found you one. Almost got them killed but, I’m sure they’d do it again.’

Well, she definitely couldn’t give it back; especially now that she knew the bullshit that came with them getting it in the first place.

‘It’s beautiful. Could you put it on for me?’

‘Of course.’

The smile plastered on Roslyn’s face hadn’t faltered.

She scooped up her long braids and held them up as Maria wrapped the chain around her neck and clipped it together.

‘There,’ Maria said as Roslyn turned around to face her. ‘It compliments you so well, Ros.’

‘For real?!’

‘Would I lie to you?’ she grinned.

‘Valid,' Roslyn laughed.

‘C’mon, let’s go have a drink.’

***

On their short journey to the pub, Roslyn noticed the lack of people walking around outside. She looked down at her watch. It was only 8:06. So why the hell were the streets damn near empty? Something was fishy.

Once they made it to the pub, the lights were off there too. Roslyn raised a brow in thought, ‘The pub? Closed this early?’

‘Yeah, Seth probably closed up early tonight. But, she pulled out a large ring of keys and jingled them. ‘They don’t call me the key holder for no reason!’

‘Whoa— we aren’t breaking in the pub are we?’

Maria laughed as she stuck the key in the door and twisted it, ‘Is it really breaking in if I have the key?’

She then pushed the door open and jerked her head forward.

Letting out a breath, she nodded in agreement, ‘Yeah. That’s true.’ And with that, she walked in the dark space.

Maria walked in behind her and flickered on the lights and everyone jumped out shouting,

‘SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROSLYN!’

Roslyn jumped as her mouth fell. It was safe to say that she was definitely surprised. Streamers hung from the ceiling with a Happy Birthday banner hanging against the back wall.

She wanted to be so angry about this considering her thinking about birthdays only brought humans a year closer to death. But everyone she loved and adored was here with goofy triangular hats sitting on their heads. For once, everything felt alright with the world.

She began to laugh hysterically and looked back at Maria, ‘Whose fucking idea was this?!’

Maria gave her a playful shrug as she strapped a pink party hat to her own head.

‘It was mine!’ Roslyn looked back as August just emerged from the crowd and walked up to her.

He would.

‘Happy Birthday, Ros.’

I can’t lose. When I’m with you. How could I snooze and miss the moment, you’re just too important. Nobody do body like you do.

She just looked up into his eyes, her heart raced inside her chest. She was so amazed with him, lost for words!

‘Thank you,’ she grinned up at him.

‘Alright, alright. Break this up!’ Joel called out, walking up and putting his arms between them and breaking them apart.

The both of them laughed in slight embarrassment before Joel embraced his girl in his arms.

‘Happy Birthday baby girl,’ he placed a kiss against her ear, ‘I’m proud of you.’

‘Thanks Joel,' she sniffed as she held on to him tightly, trying her best not to ugly cry.

When the hug was broken, she carefully wiped the corner of her eyes as she laughed.

‘Awww don’t cry, Roslyn,' Ellie smiled as she walked up to hug her.

‘Shut up! I’m not crying,’ Roslyn cackled.

Ellie quickly embraced her in a tight hug.

‘I love you, sis,’ Ellie said softly in her ear as they rocked in sync. ‘I’ve lost so much… so many. And I’m so glad… My journey has brought me to you, Ros. I love you forever.’

Roslyn squeezed Ellie tighter as she clamped her eyes shut, hiding her face in Ellie’s shoulder so no one would see the tear that finally fought its way out.

This was all a very intimate and beautiful moment with Roslyn and her family. As a child she longed for something like this. And now, her biggest fear was losing them. They were her reason for existing.

Once Roslyn pulled away, she dried her eyes and let out a deep shaky breath,

‘Okay! Enough of this shit! Let’s get this party started!’

The pub cheered happily and the music began to play. Roslyn turned to look up at August who had just put a party horn between his teeth. He paused before giving it a strong blow. Roslyn tried to keep her composure but she just laughed and playfully landed a soft punch on his chest.

‘You’re. Such. An ass! You know I don’t do this kind of stuff!’

‘I don’t actually!’ he leaned in with his hands behind his back.

‘You do! I told you I don’t like celebrating my birthday!’

‘You used to not like it. Since I’m gone be stickin’ around… you might get one of these every year. Now, here!’ He reached behind him and picked up a yellow party hat and carefully put it on her head.

‘Enjoy your party, princess! It’s your day!’

I can’t lose. When I’m with you. How could I snooze and miss the moment, you’re just too important. Nobody do body like you do, you do.

***

The party was now in full swing. It was almost like something out of a movie. People were dancing, drinking, laughing. It was almost like Mother Earth wasn’t choking them to death.

Roslyn walked over to the bar where August was sitting and staring at her.

‘You’ve spent the whole night staring at me.’

August chuckled, ‘Is that a bad thing?’

‘Nah. Just a little creepy,’ she said, reaching down to grab the elastic band beneath his chin, and snapped it.

‘Ow!’ he laughed as he covered his chin. ‘What was that for?!’ he stood up, towering over her.

‘No reason. So, you're gonna stop being a weirdo and come dance with me?’

‘Hmmm,’ August thought for a minute. ‘Actually, I got a better idea,’ he reached up and took off the party hat. ‘How about we ditch the party.’

Roslyn raised a brow, ‘Ditch the party? That you threw for me?’ She poked herself in her chest with her index finger.

‘Yeah!’ He sounded so positive.

‘And do what?’

‘That’s for me to know. C’mon! We’ll be back before it’s over.’ He then took her hat off of her head and stacked their hats together before he grabbed her hand. He grabbed their coats and they left the pub in a hurry.

First they stopped by his house. She waited outside on his porch before he came back out.

‘That was quick!’

‘Yeah. Mikey is up and moving around so he’s taking his own meds now.’

‘Oh well that’s good to hear! Wait, why didn’t he come to the party tonight?’

‘I tried to get him to come but he was complaining about the weather.’

Well, she could understand that. The only good thing about the cold was it stunted the movement in the herds. At least that’s what everyone thought.

‘I get that. Anyway,’ she sighed out, ‘Where we goin’?’

August gave her a sinister smirk and leaned in, ‘just wait.’

He walked past her and towards the back of the compound.

Her eyes grew in shock once she’d realized what he was doing. The cold air burned at her chest as she jogged up behind him.

‘August! August!’ She ran in front of him and placed her hands on his wrists, ‘What the hell are you doing?!’

‘We… are sneaking out.’

‘And why the fuck would you wanna do that?! Do you not realize how deep in shit you’d— WE would be in if anyone found out?!’

August gave her a gentle smile and his head fell to the side. ‘Just come with me. I promise… if we do get in trouble… I’ll take all the blame,’ he lended out his hand.

‘Good… because this is your idea!’ she stared up at him and then slapped her hand into his. ‘And don’t count on me to bail your ass out. I’ll just tell them you kidnapped me.’

August smiled as the pair walked over to the fence. He then peeled the fence back and let her crawl through, then he followed.

‘This better be worth it,’ she said glaring at him.

‘It will! Promise. C’mon,’ and he began to jog ahead.

‘Ugh! August, wait!’ she called out in a whisper before she went after him.

But just like her warm breath in the cool air, he disappeared in a flash.

‘August?!’ she called out for him.

But nothing! Just the sound of the wind rustling the dead twigs and branches on the trees. Roslyn shivered as she reached in her back pocket, pulled out her beanie and tugged it over her head.

‘That’s better,’ she hummed softly. ‘Now to see where this fool has gone.’

Roslyn clicked on her mini flashlight that was velcro to her coat and searched for any clues to lead her where he was hiding.

‘August!’ she walked forward until she came across a pair of fresh prints.

‘Gotcha. Sneaky little shit. August I’m going to kick your ass for leaving me out here by myself! Actually, I think I may tell Joel! He won’t like that too much,’ Roslyn chuckled softly before the quietness around her began to settle in once more.

It was eerie and the feeling of being left alone made her heart sink. She heard a twig snap nearby. She looked behind her to see where the noise had come from.

‘August?’ She said softly. ‘August stop playin’! This shit isn’t funny!’

The silence rang in the air. Now she was scared. Suddenly, she was hit upside her head with a snowball.

‘OW!’ She wiped her face, taking off her beanie to shake out the snow and her braids.

August came from behind a tree cackling like a menacing child as he walked over to her.

‘That’s not funny! You’re such a dick!’ She gave him a playful shove as she did her best not to laugh too.

‘Awww, come on. It was a little funny. Plus, I noticed how scared you were… did you really think I’d leave you out here like this?’

Roslyn sighed, softly tugging back on her beanie.

The answer was delayed and really, she knew that she was safe with August. But she didn’t just trust anybody. This life was all about surviving and throwing anybody in the way of the freight train just to keep yourself alive.

‘I don’t know. Would you?’

August’s head fell to the side gently as a small smirk grew on his lips, ‘you never have to worry about me leavin’ you, Ros. I got you.’

Her face grew warm as a smile curled up on her full lips, ‘that’s good to know, August. So,” she let out a gentle breath, ‘Where we goin’?’

‘Oh yeah! Come on, it’s not far,’ he jerked his head over and swiftly turned around to walk away.

‘Mmhmm,’ Roslyn hummed playfully as she squatted down and scooped some snow in her hands and patted it into a round ball.

Then, she allowed him to walk ahead before she threw it and hit him in the middle of his back. August stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder.

Roslyn stood there with a sinister grin curled on her lips.

August turned around to face her head on, ‘you really wanna do this with me right now? You’re not gonna win this.’

Roslyn laughed out and shook her head, ‘right now is as good as any. Look, it’s cold and I’m already ready to get back to the compound. So if I win… we’re going back home. If you win… we can keep going and we’ll both take the blame for our absence at the party tomorrow.’

He folded his arms across his chest and thought for a moment, ‘alright. Cool… first person to 10, wins.’

‘You’re on!’ she said as she walked up to him and they pounded fists.

Once she made it back to her side, August launched a snowball and hit her in the shoulder. Roslyn swiftly turned around with a surprise and was hit in the face with another.

‘Oh–!’ August called out as he covered his mouth and began to laugh.

‘YOU CHEATER!’ Roslyn growled out before snatching up some snow in her palms and running behind a tree. There, she began to form a ball that was stable enough to throw.

August ran behind a tree and began to form a few balls of snow and stack them, ‘NOT A CHEATER! JUST AN OPPORTUNIST!’

‘A CHEATER!’ Roslyn laughed as she peeked around the tree to find him. Once she knew she wasn’t going to get him at this angle, she carefully moved forward to another tree. But not without him throwing another snowball. Thankfully, he missed.

‘YOU'RE LUCKY! THAT WOULD’VE BEEN 3!’

‘IT WOULD’VE BEEN YOUR FIRST ONE PUMPKIN EATER!’ Roslyn called out.

August laughed out as he scooped up his artillery and moved in position to flank her. Stepping from behind her cover, she started to throw the balls at the last place she’d seen him. But little did she know, he was standing right behind her.

Roslyn began to craft up more balls in a hurry, a goofy and giddy grin burning at her cold cheeks.

Taking gentle steps, August moved like a thief in the night! He peaked over gently to see the amount of balls she’d created. Too bad she won’t be able to use them.

He pressed his lips together before letting out a sharp whistle.

Roslyn stopped her project once she realized she was bested. Closing her eyes, she lifted her hands, ‘OK! You got me!’

She laughed.

‘Stand up.’ August commands.

She stood up slowly and let out a shuddered breath.

‘Turn around.’

Roslyn slowly turned around and kept her hands up with this smug expression on her face. Her eyes caught a glimpse at the 5 balls that sat in his arm.

‘Hmph.’ August smirked, proudly.

‘Shit.’

‘Yup!’

‘It’s like that?’

‘Just like that.’

She shook her head before she looked behind him and a sunken look cursed her face.

‘August….’ she whispered as she pointed behind him.

He didn’t even think, the look on her face frightened him and he immediately looked behind him and dropped his snowballs to the ground. But nothing was there.

‘Wha— there’s nothing—‘

When he looked back ahead, she had already darted towards him. She wrapped her arms around his waist with her head resting on his abdomen.

‘Ugh!’ He grunted as their bodies collided and he fell backwards.

Straddling his lap in a fast manner, she placed her hands on his chest as she breathed heavily. The both of them began to laugh playfully.

‘Do you surrender?’ she asked.

‘I’m sorry but this wasn’t part of the rules.’

‘It doesn’t matter! You let your guard down.’

August laughed and shook his head before he lifted his knee up and rolled them over in a quick movement. Then, he snatched up her wrists and pinned them above her head.

Roslyn squeaked in surprise at his sudden movement.

August huffed heavily as he fought the brisk air that burned at his throat and chest, ‘I never let my guard down.’

She let out a shuddered breath as she looked up into his cobalt blue eyes. Taking in the icy-ness of them but finding warmth in that blotch of hazel in his eye.

In the drop top riding round with you, I feel like Scarface. Like the white bitch with the bob, you’d be my main one.

The air between them grew thick with tension. August’s tongue darted out to lick his lips. He forced his eyes away from hers to look down at her soft plump lips. Suddenly, his urges and thoughts clouded his brain. Causing him to rush in and place a tender kiss on lips; his grip loosening on her wrists.

Roslyn felt relieved that he crossed that line. Carefully pulling her hand away, she placed her gloved hand on his jaw as she savored the taste of his lips.

August then gently broke the kiss, pulling back to look down at her.

‘You’re so warm,’ his gaze never left her face, yet his eyes were hooded with such want and desire.

‘So are you…’ she whispered as her brown eyes flickered to his lips.

A devious smirk curled up on his lips, ‘I know of an interesting way of warming up… if you wanna.’

Roslyn raised a brow, instantly catching the idea. It had been awhile since she had some. And they were alone, this would’ve been the perfect opportunity but, good things don’t last forever… not in this life.

‘I’m down if you’re down,’ she said in a sultry tone as she relaxed her thighs so he could lay comfortably there.

‘Well now is as good as—‘

Then, a twig snapped behind them. August paused for a second, placing his index finger against his lips. Carefully and silently, August pulled himself up and helped her up to her feet.

He then pulled out his gun and gave it to her, whispering, ‘take this. Just in case.’

‘Wha— what about you?’ She whispered back in worry.

‘I have a spare. Just—‘

And an unsettling cracking and clicking filled the air followed by pained grunting and snarling.

‘Infected. What the hell are they doing this close to Jackson?’ Roslyn asked, perplexed.

‘I don’t know. But we have to get rid of them. You with me?’

‘Do you have to ask?’ she smirked.

‘That’s my girl. Now… silence.’

She gave him a nod for him to lead the way, and she followed him in a stack.

***

The walk was probably 15 minutes when they stumbled across an encampment. It was vacant. Sort of. It consisted of sleeping bags, a few trinkets and emptied cans of food. They’d even created a fire with stone and wood that was now frostbitten. The intruders were gone for sometime now.

August let out a gentle breath as he stepped over a dead log. Roslyn took a step forward but August threw up his fist for her to stop. She let out a shuddered breath as she kept her gun up just in case. Once he’d finished securing the area, he pressed his lips together as he walked back to the campsite.

‘Come look at this,’ he sheaths his gun back in the holster and squat down before the sleeping bag.

Roslyn walked around the log and walked into the encampment. She’d taken note of the WLF gear that were engraved in their belongings.

‘They were here…’

‘Yeah,’ he uttered and took a deep breath. This was really fucking bad.

Roslyn let out a deep breath and looked down at him. ‘They’re after you…’

August let out a shuddered breath, ‘yeah.’

She closed her eyes as reality began to set in. ‘I knew it. I fucking knew it,’ she said through gritted teeth.

August quickly stood up and looked back at her, ‘is there something wrong?’ His tone was slightly annoyed.

‘Yeah! As a matter of fact, there is!’ She placed her hands on her hips, ‘now the well-being of Jackson is at risk all because you decided to come here!’

‘Look, I didn’t know they’d follow us OK!? You think I’d purposely bring them here?! To hurt you?'

‘Listen, I don’t know what your motive is! But right now, you are the bad guy!’

That stung August in the chest.

‘You think that lowly of me?! Roslyn, you know me!’

‘Ha!’ Roslyn cackled. ‘You think because you threw me a surprise birthday party you think I should know you better?!’

A loud screech filled the air, causing them to look ahead. They waited for a second before the grunting became guttural screaming.

‘They’ve heard us.’

‘Fuck!’ Roslyn cursed as she pulled out her gun.

Two runners emerged from the darkness of the trees and stumbling behind them were two clickers.

‘CLICKER!!’ August shouted as he shot at the runners.

Roslyn began to shoot at their heads. Pieces of cordycep growth ricochet off of them before she put them down. Letting out a breath in relief, she looked up to see August fighting with the last living infected.

She aimed the gun at the runner’s head but then August shouted,‘ROS! BEHIND YOU!’

Looking back, Roslyn was instantly tackled by a stalker.

‘Ugh!’ She whimpered out as she fought to keep the infected mouth away from her. She held her arm at its throat as her other hand reached out to search for the gun that flew out of her grasp.

‘ROSLYN!’ August shouted out in fear as he managed to grab his ka-bar and stab the runner in the head.

The stalker began to chomp down as it stretched its neck to try to get a bite. It was getting harder to hold it back by the second. Suddenly, a gunshot rang in the air and the stalker fell into her chest, dead as a door knob. Her ears rang with an eerie vengeance.

‘Ros! ROSLYN’ August shouted as he rushed over to her.

With blood and brain fragments on her face, she quickly pushed the dead infected off of her, rolled over and emptied the contents in her stomach. Her hands gripped the snow as she dry heaved.

August quickly rushed over and grabbed her by her shoulders to look at her, ‘Roslyn! Look at me!’ He grabbed her face so she could look up at him.

Her heaving had stopped but turned into deep breaths. Her eyes focused on his as they began to calm her down.

‘Shhh… it’s ok. I've got you remember?!’

Roslyn gave him a hesitant nod before she felt a stinging pain in her shoulder, ‘ah!’

‘You’re hurt,’ August said as his eyes landed on the ripped piece of cloth.

‘Let’s get this off of you yeah?’ He then unzipped her coat and dropped it to the ground.

When he looked back up, he’d immediately saw the torn fabric of her sweater on her shoulder. His heart shattered at the grim sight.

‘Ros…’

Roslyn looked down to find the searing pain. She’d been bitten.

‘Ah! Oooh… ooh my god!’ She shuddered out, trembling in pain.

This would mean she'd have to tell her deepest darkest secret. The secret that could get everyone around her killed.

‘Ros, Ros, Roslyn— it’s alright! Look!’ He said as his breathing began to hitch.

‘It’s not that bad!’ He began to laugh hysterically, ‘it’s … it’s going to be alright… please. Tell me everything is going to be alright!’ his vision began to blur at the bloodied sight.

‘August…’ she let out a shuddered breath as she caressed his jaw, ‘I have something to tell you. But you have to promise me not to tell anyone. Only Ellie, Joel and Tommy know of this.’

August’s face softened as he looked down at her.

He carefully took her small hand in his and squeezed it, ‘I promise… what is it?’

Roslyn bit into her bottom lip before hissing at the throbbing pain.

She placed her hand over her shoulder, ‘I’m immune.’

From The River To the Sea, Palestine will be free. I’d like to make it clear that in no shape or form does this page support Israel or Zionism. The creator of the game, Neil Druckmann is a Zionist and I would like to make it very clear that this page stands in solidarity with the people of Palestine 🇵🇸. Boycott the game, boycott the show! CLICK HERE to find links to support and donate to Palestine & please continue to Boycott! Palestine will be free.

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